Best Royal Injury

Who cared about the neck and back irritation that kept Royals slugger Mike Sweeney out of the game for weeks on end? Boo-frickin'-hoo, we thought as we endured the endless speculation about when he was ever coming back. We much preferred contemplating the status of the quietly dreamy Joe Randa -- what is he thinking, with that devilish smirk on his face all the time? We know what we were thinking for the twenty days he was out in July: We were imagining the sweet pain of that strain in his left oblique -- that sexy, triangular muscle just to the side of his abs, which narrows down to you-know-where.