Booze Breath 101

For more Kansas Citians than we can count, St. Patrick's Day is among the year's most sacred holidays. Not all employers share that opinion, though, and when the holy March 17 falls on a weekday, not everyone is lucky enough to get the day off.

Revelers ourselves, we've been wondering how a hardworking leprechaun might stay in his boss's good graces after a morning o' partying. So we asked an expert, William Morgan, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Missouri-Kansas City's School of Biological Sciences, what kind of alcohol we could drink without encountering trouble upon our return to the office.

The Pitch: Would whiskey be stronger on a person's breath than beer or a mixed drink?

Morgan: Well, you've got two things going. Whatever you smell is aromatic -- things that go up into the air that you can smell. You can smell alcohol. It's not very strong, but you can smell it. And so, if you have just a little tiny bit of alcohol, then it's not that easy to detect.

Alcohol by itself doesn't have a very strong smell. Whenever somebody's been drinking for a while, and they have this really strange breath? That's the metabolites from the alcohol -- ketones and things like that. Those are metabolic byproducts of alcohol, and they give you a really funny smell on your breath. When you start drinking, the alcohol's being absorbed and being metabolized ... but ketones don't get metabolized. They're in your blood, and your blood and your lungs exchange -- that's how you breathe -- and these things will come out in your lungs, and you'll be breathing them for hours. So there's no way to cover it up and totally fool everybody all the time after a certain point. You can probably get away with one, but, you know, anything more than that, it's going to show one way or another.

If someone takes a straight shot of alcohol, like vodka or something, and you immediately smell their breath, it's not very strong, but you can still smell something. With time, it goes away. If you take the same amount of vodka and dilute it with water, it doesn't smell as strong. But again, that'll go away with time because the volatile things will be breathed out.

If you have something that sticks around in your stomach -- like beer or wine -- your breath will have the alcohol smell and the aromatic compounds that are in the beer or wine. So if you drink beer, the alcohol will smell a little bit, but the beer part will smell, too. And that'll stay longer because beer will sit in your stomach for a while. Same thing with wine.

What about mixed drinks?

Again, the alcohol goes away, but then you smell the other things in the mixed drink, like tonic or these other things that remind you of drinks. The best thing, if you want to do it, is to drink diluted vodka and take cough drops. Cough drops are great because they cover up a lot of stuff.

Why cough drops?

They have a very strong aroma, a lot of aromatic compounds that cover up all other smells because they're so strong. The eucalyptus flavor covers up a lot of stuff.

What about those strips that dissolve on your tongue?

I haven't tried those. They kind of have a smell of their own.

What about, say, peppermint schnapps?

Well, that kinda smells like a mouthwash, but the alcohol part will still be there. Until it's left your stomach, you'll still be able to smell it.

Can people fill their stomachs with food to kill the smell?

Oh, yeah, food will help. Sure. But there's only a certain amount you can cover up. If you have even a couple of drinks over a period of time, it's harder to cover up.

So you suggest slamming a drink and then going to the parade?

Yeah, slam it, go to the parade, let it go away and then go back to work. It just takes time to clear it off.

Does smoking cigarettes cover it up or just make it worse?

It covers it up. Anything that overpowers that smell.

Maybe some garlic?

Garlic would probably work. Garlic's good for you anyway.

What about brushing the tongue with a toothbrush?

That will help, but the main thing is that once you get that stuff in your system, you can only metabolize a certain amount with time. And if you exceed that, you start getting these other things in your blood, and a certain amount of that will be coming out in your breath just because it's in your blood, and your blood is exchanging gases and things with the air through your lungs.

That kind of gross, stale smell?

Yeah. So you can freshen up and do all kinds of things to clean up, but I don't know of any foolproof method. Chemically you're stuck, you know?

Do you have any St. Patrick's Day plans? Are you sneaking out of the office?

Actually, I have to work that day. It hardly ever comes on a good day for me.