My Robot Friend

What if the Tri-Lambdas hadn't won at the end of Revenge of the Nerds? What if, embittered yet determined, they'd gone on to program leering, jeering dance music about horny geeks who dream of becoming robots and vice versa -- club bangers for the pocket-protected? Wonder no more. "I Am the Robot" and "Sex Machine" are as crank-piped and slimed-ore icky as manga porn. "I Know What Women Want" would've been a Booger creation; the lyrics to black-sheathed, beep-bipping, drama-queenic "We're the Pet Shop Boys" might've come from Lamar's pen. But what about the masterpiece, "Walking Jewish"? Lines such as If the messiah's gonna come/Then I might as well, too and He said forget your bar mitzvah, kid/I'll make you a man in a lascivious, Hebrew homosexual romp are haw-haw-haw Louis-and-Gilbert gold and -- maybe -- proof that Lamar wasn't the only frat member with a Playgirl subscription.