Oracle at Oberst

Bright Eyes singer and songwriter Conor Oberst has been dubbed "the new Dylan" often enough that it's easy to imagine the instructors of tomorrow handing out his tear-stained lyric sheets in class, Dangerous Minds-style. But as the press surrounding his recent releases reveals, Oberst doesn't confine his words of wisdom to the studio and the stage. Here's a sampling of his sage commentary.

"When I was a kid, I used to fantasize about death. Not that I was suicidal, but there was an attraction there. I went from 'I don't care what happens' to 'everything is terrifying.'" -- Blender

Life's Lesson Learned: Constant terror is marginally better than existential apathy.

"Acid is just ... complete paranoia and the idea that it's never going to go away. That, like, broke my brain." -- Blender

LLL: People with agoraphobic tendencies should probably avoid paranoia-inducing hallucinogens.

"This salmon salad looks gang-starr!" -- Rolling Stone

LLL: Nebraska natives can endear themselves to New Yorkers by turning the Big Apple's beloved hip-hop acts into cornerstones for compliments.

"We don't really do business with people unless they're like our bros. Every time you add someone to the crew, you've got to know they're down for the cause." -- GQ

LLL: In order to sell newly coined street slang, one must display extensive knowledge of the existing parlance. In this case, that means discussing an innocuous indie label as if it were a crime syndicate.

"We started [election night 2004] at this MoveOn party. My friend got sick, and that was the first sign that something weird was in the air. Once I realized that it was out of my hands, I just fuckin' ordered a real big whiskey." -- Rolling Stone

LLL: When sudden illness strikes a loved one, it's an indisputable harbinger of a disaster with international implications. Until this omen occurs, everything, no matter how far removed from the seeming scope of your personal influence, is "in your hands." Once the pal pukes, though, alcohol is the only answer.

"I wasn't very suave when I was way younger, but by the time I got to be 18, that was when I realized there were girls all over the place who I'd like to make out with. Pretty girls are cool. I'll keep [dating older women] until I get old and then flip it around. I've never dated an 18-year-old girl. I wanna try it."-- Rolling Stone

LLL: This is just a garrulous retelling of the Matthew McConaughey character's sleazy credo in Dazed and Confused: "I get older -- they stay the same age."