Excess Hollywood

The Pink Panther
Starring: Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Beyonce Knowles and Jean Reno
Directed by: Shawn Levy
Written by: Len Blum, Steve Martin, Michael Saltzman and Glen Bloomberg
What it's about: A new take on Peter Sellers' surpassingly incompetent French detective in which Jacques Clouseau (Martin) tackles a case combining a murdered soccer coach, a priceless diamond and the usual selection of beautiful women.
Why it will be fabulous: It takes les grandes balles for Martin to assail the rich life and high art of Inspector Clouseau.
Why it will be dreadful: Can The Jerk out-bumble Peter the Great? The smart money says non.

Untitled Mike Judge Project (formerly 3001)
Starring: Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph, Dax Shepard and Stephen Root
Directed by: Mike Judge
Written by: Mike Judge and Etan Cohen
What it's about: Similar in premise to TV's Futurama, this comedy sees an average joe (Wilson) and a prostitute (Rudolph) accidentally frozen for 1,000 years. When they awaken in the future, they find that society has become so dumbed-down that they are now the smartest people alive.
Why it will be fabulous: Uh, huh-huh, Mike Judge rules!
Why it will be dreadful: Pick a title, already, buttmunch! Don't make me kick your ass!