Excess Hollywood

By our count, there are but two sequels waiting to have oil rubbed on their backs this summer -- one featuring an evil lord named Vader, the other featuring an evil lord named Schneider -- so the season has that going for it, which is nice.

But in lieu of sequels come comic-book superheroes (Batman, the Fantastic Four), small-screen retreads (Bewitched, cursed with the worst trailer ever, and The Dukes of Hazzard, which not even General Lee's been waiting for) and big-screen redos (The Bad News Bears, The Longest Yard, The Honeymooners, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and War of the Worlds).

Of the 130-something movies scheduled to play this summer, few will warm the hearts of the most air-conditioned critics. Jim Jarmusch's Broken Flowers, with Bill Murray, Jessica Lange and Sharon Stone; Ron Howard's Cinderella Man, starring Russell Crowe as boxer Jim Braddock and Paul Giamatti as his trainer; and Terry Gilliam's The Brothers Grimm, with Matt Damon and Heath Ledger, arrive without action figures and Happy Meals -- and bless their sunburned souls for trying to make art during a season of commerce. Perhaps it won't be such a long, hot summer after all. -- Robert Wilonsky

The following previews are written by Bill Gallo, Luke Y. Thompson and Robert Wilonsky.

The Longest Yard
Starring: Adam Sandler, Chris Rock and James Cromwell
Directed by: Peter Segal (50 First Dates)
Written by: Sheldon Turner and Tim Herlihy
What it's about: Remake of the 1974 prison-football classic.
Why it will be fabulous: Segal has Rock and ex-Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin on the roster for the inmate team, and first-version star Burt Reynolds drops in as player-coach Nate Scarbrough, the role originally played by Hill Street Blues' Michael Conrad.
Why it will be dreadful: Goofy, soft Sandler as a hard-nosed former NFL quarterback? This movie's in big trouble if we wind up rooting for the guards.

Madagascar
Starring: The voices of Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer and Sacha Baron Cohen
Directed by: Eric Darnell (Antz) and Tom McGrath
Written by: Mark Burton (Spitting Image), Billy Frolick (It Is What It Is), Eric Darnell and Tom McGrath
What it's about: A curious zebra (Rock) escapes from the zoo with a lion (Stiller), a hippo (Jada Pinkett Smith), and a giraffe (Schwimmer), then gets caught and shipped off to the wilds of Madagascar. Having been bred in captivity, these animals are out of their league in a natural habitat. Hilarity ensues.
Why it will be fabulous: The computer-animation style, which looks like weird origami, gives the trailer a unique look.
Why it will be dreadful: Every single member of the voice cast tends to be an over-the-top scene-stealer, which could get mighty tiresome.

Cinderella Man
Starring: Russell Crowe, Paul Giamatti and Renée Zellweger
Directed by: Ron Howard
Written by: Cliff Hollingsworth and Akiva Goldsman
What it's about: Ditched by his ugly sisters, Cinderella Man (Crowe) begs his fairy godmother to make him beautiful so he can go to the ball. Ah, if only. Instead, it's a Depression-era boxing movie in which Crowe gets paid to punch people in the face.
Why it will be fabulous: Paul Giamatti might get to win that Oscar next year for his strong supporting turn.
Why it will be dreadful: Five words: "A film by Ron Howard."

High Tension
Starring: Cecile de France, Maiwenn Le Besco and Philippe Nahon
Directed by: Alexandre Aja
Written by: Aja and Gregory Levasseur
What it's about: Two young women on vacation in the French countryside are terrorized by a psychotic killer who wears workman's overalls.
Why it will be fabulous: This no-holds-barred French slasher has already been a horror hit internationally.
Why it will be dreadful: The version being released here has been trimmed for an R rating and dubbed into English.

The Lords of Dogtown
Starring: Heath Ledger, Emile Hirsch and Johnny Knoxville
Directed by: Catherine Hardwicke (Thirteen, production designer of Vanilla Sky)
Written by: Stacy Peralta
What it's about: Another of Peralta's cinematic valentines (this one lightly fictionalized) to the 1970s beach-fun culture in Venice, California.
Why it will be fabulous: If you didn't get your sun-kissed fill from Peralta's Dogtown and Z-Boys and Riding Giants, this may be the summer movie for you.
Why it will be dreadful: You've more than likely had your fill of Peralta's surf-and-skate cheerleader act.