Stage Capsule Reviews

The Eight: The Reindeer Monologues The reindeer get their scabrous say in this burst of yuletide deviance from the new (and wonderfully named) theater company Sparkle Peanut Productions. Santa, we learn, is a sort of bestial Bob Packwood, who sexually harasses his livestock and is at his jolliest only when engaged in carnal practices that alarm whether you rock the north or south side of the pole. Needless to say, this isn't for the kids. The decade-old script is steeped in O.J. and other '90s ephemera — "When the doe says 'No,' it means no" is a typical gag. Let's hope it's still tart. Fridays and Saturdays through Dec. 17 at the Corinth Dance Center Studio, 4047 Somerset Drive in Prairie Village, 816-679-5514.

Elves and the Shoemaker Theatre for Young America returns with the sweet old story of the elves who aid the cobbler in the night and — wait a second. Is this right? We have to say shoemaker now? Don't kids have dictionaries? Christ, if we're going to update the Grimms willy-nilly, why not make the shoemaker Nike CEO Phil Knight and the elves Indonesian preteens bleeding from their hands? Regardless, much of the original cast — about whom we've heard good things — is back with a story that TYA promises will teach the whole family gentle lessons about the meaning of the season. Through Dec. 30 at Union Station's City Stage, 30 W. Pershing Rd., 816-460-2020.

Funny Money Ray Cooney's farce, another solid New Theatre show, is about a regular guy making off with illicit cash. This one stars William Christopher, best known as Father Mulcahy from M*A*S*H but hardly known at all for his mysterious work as "Additional Voices" on The Smurfs. How did we miss him? Was there some even-tempered blue minister we've forgotten who'd offer consolation whenever Brainy went off about "this smurfing war"? If you know, please write us, care of this paper. Through Feb. 5 at the New Theatre Restaurant, 9229 Foster in Overland Park, 913-649-7469.

Inspecting Carol Theatre Lulu presents a staged reading of Daniel Sullivan's backstage Christmas farce — at one time an arch alternative to A Christmas Carol but now almost an institution itself — as a benefit for the Kansas City Actors Theatre. The story: A godawful amateur actor auditioning for a beleaguered troupe's A Christmas Carol is mistaken for a National Endowment for the Arts rep with the power to soak up the company's grant money. Everyone approves of all his bad ideas, which results — somehow — in lots of comic hither and thither and something called the Piñata of Hope. Dec. 10 at 8 p.m. and Dec. 11 at 2 p.m. at the Barn Players, 6219 Martway in Mission, 913-432-9100.

A Journey in Songs: The Last Ten Years Just as the summer season is full of big, gaudy musicals, December is dominated by intimate cabaret. This Jewish Community Center of Greater Kansas City show is at least guaranteed to be Christmas-free. It reprises numbers from recent CenterStage productions, including Into the Woods, Fiddler on the Roof and, well, Cabaret. Come for a peek at the new theater, but if you get the chance, check out the gym and the whirlpool, which we've heard are worth a Reform-level conversion. Dec. 10-11 in the Lewis and Shirley White Theatre on the Jewish Community Center campus, 5801 W. 115th St. in Overland Park, 913-327-8073.

Just Say Yes The TBA Players bring us only a show or so each year, but to their credit, it's always one nobody else is offering. This time it's the American premiere of Jack and Tom Sharkey's comedy Just Say Yes, the story of a self-help author forced to prove that his theories work by going all self-esteem Pygmalion on the biggest loser he can find. Through Dec. 11 at Just Off Broadway Theatre, 3051 Central, 816-444-2459.

Painted Alice After kicking off the 2005 season with a pair of challenging but chilly dramas, the Unicorn lightens up with this William Donnelly comedy about an artist torn between creating for the love of creation and just doing it for the dollars. Then she goes to a wonderland — yeah, it's inspired by that Alice, here all grown and played by the talented Alyson Schacherer, whose crackerjack comic timing was the highlight of this summer's Blink Twice for Her. The Unicorn promises a "high-energy, multimedia production"; all we know is that director Joe Price recently brought us The Cripple of Inishmaan, 2005's best show by far, so it's safe to say that, opening weekend, we're on it like a bonnet. Through Dec. 31 at the Unicorn Theatre, 3828 Main, 816-531-7529, ext. 10.