Is David Glass Smoking Grass?

God bless St. Petersburg, Florida. By building a domed stadium in 1990, the good people there gave the Tampa Bay Devil Rays an opportunity to exist. And without the Devil Rays, the Kansas City Royals would be the biggest joke in baseball.

The Devil Rays haven't run away with the title of Sorriest Baseball Franchise. Royals owner David Glass has tried to make a contest of it.

Glass, who made his fortune as a Wal-Mart executive, bought the franchise in 2000 for $96 million (less than half of what the Royals are asking taxpayers to spend to fix up Kauffman Stadium). Since then, the club has had just one winning season, and it was a terribly lucky one at that: The Royals finished two games above .500 in 2003, in spite of their opponents scoring 31 more runs.

Glass and his son, Dan, the team president, will tell anyone who will listen that the Royals work under an unfair system. Baseball owners don't share their revenue the way that football owners do, the Glasses argue. It's true that Yankees boss George Steinbrenner has his own TV network, whereas the Royals have to squeeze nickels out of corporate sponsors such as Watson's Pools & Spas. At one point last summer, with another losing season guaranteed and a string of home dates remaining on the schedule, the Royals were reduced to selling discounted tickets door-to-door.

Yet Glass told The Kansas City Star that he still managed to chisel a profit last year. Truth is, market size does not predetermine success. With a similar-sized budget for player salaries, the Cleveland Indians won 93 games last year. The Minnesota Twins play in an old stadium in a second-tier market but have finished better than .500 in each of the past five years; the Oakland A's have done it for seven.

No, the Royals' once-proud franchise suffers because of chronic mismanagement. The Glasses have had six years to settle the uncertainty that crippled the organization after founder Ewing Marion Kauffman died in 1993. And how far have they come? Since 2000, the Royals have managed a win-loss record of 401-571. If you think things will get better this year, consider that the starting pitcher on opening day on Monday will be Scott Elarton, who has a pitiful career earned run average of 5.10. Well done, sirs!

Again this year, the hometown club will compete against the Devil Rays for blown leads and empty seats. Kansas City has a real chance to overtake Tampa Bay in the race to oblivion. Last October, an online sports book posted the odds of teams winning the 2006 World Series. The Devil Rays were listed at 250-to-1.

The Royals came in at 500-to-1.

So in honor of the pursuit of another 100-loss season, the Pitch has compiled a list of the 11 worst Royals moments of the Glass era.

Play ball and grit your teeth, Kansas City!

Zack Greinke Feels Sad
The Royals have a lousy record ofdeveloping pitchers. Dan Reichert, Jeff Austin, Chris George, Kyle Snyder and Jimmy Gobble count among the first-round draft picks who now are either out of baseball or fighting for their major-league lives. But with Zack Greinke, taken in the sixth pick in the 2002 draft, the Royals seemed finally to have found their ace. Greinke laid waste to minor-league hitters before being promoted to the big club in 2004. Even cautious observers drew comparisons to the great Bret Saberhagen as Greinke finished fourth in the voting for the Rookie of the Year award. Then he sucked. Greinke inexplicably led the American League in losses last year. Worse, he didn’t seem to care. When he arrived for spring training this year, Greinke told The Kansas City Star that 2005 was “the first year that I enjoyed baseball.” (And in his spare time, Zack enjoys rubbing a cheese grater against the back of his thigh.) Not long after making that comment, the 22-year-old Greinke bolted camp and went home to Florida. According to the Star, Greinke is seeing a sports psychologist to deal with “emotional issues.” Judging by the lack of sympathy his teammates and coaches have shown, Greinke’s “issues” seem to include insistence on being a contrary little priss.

Juan Gonzalez pulls up lame
Two-time American League MVP Juan Gonzalez will be remembered less for his 434 career home runs than for his divorces, his entourage and his low tolerance for pain. Kansas City signed the delicate right fielder to a one-year deal in 2004. Gonzalez was coming off two insignificant years with the Texas Rangers, where he collected $24 million while playing in less than half his team’s games. The Royals were hoping to get Good Juan, the guy who drove in 140 runs for Cleveland in 2001. Alas, Bad Juan showed up in Kansas City. Gonzalez hit just five home runs in 138 plate appearances before injury kept him from the lineup. Royals GM Baird would take a lot of crap for signing the whirlpool-bound former All Star for $4 million. Gonzalez stunk, but at least Baird didn’t make a long-term commitment to the fragile player. Just the same, Gonzalez came to symbolize all that was wrong with the “Together We Can” Royals of 2004, a team that broke spring training with promise but crashed the 100-loss barrier.