The Last Temptation of Dougie

Dougie was losing not only his soul mate but also his favorite accessory.

"She's like the Ferrari," Fay says. Sunshine was Dougie's girl magnet, he explains. "And most people, I think, are going to want to have sex with Sunshine."

It was during this bottomed-out period that Dougie decided that he wanted to be crucified. He asked Tif to help nail his hands. She declined, citing religious reasons. Another accomplished Kansas City piercer agreed to study the anatomy of the hand and told Dougie he didn't want to be responsible for causing permanent damage. So a disappointed Dougie will be tied with barbed wire to his cross.

While working on his vision of the crucifixion, Dougie also worked on getting his groove back. And he found out something that surprised even him — he didn't require Sunshine to get ass. His post-Sunshine sex life became more hectic than it had been before.

"I had three threesomes, one foursome, and four girls in one night — all in one week," he brags. "That's what I'd usually get in a month's time."

When asked to explain how a guy like Dougie gets so much action, Fay shrugs. "Why does the guy who dances at the Hurricane get laid? Why do midgets get laid? Everybody wants to experience something different. He's very open about his sexuality, which I think is a turn-on to people who are open about their sexuality."

Dougie even became a teacher. When two women who knew Dougie from the Peanut needed help fulfilling a birthday wish, they asked him to teach one of them how to be a submissive to the other. So Dougie led one of them around on a leash at the club NV. Her girlfriend followed, as if taking notes. When he pulled the submissive woman's long, dark ponytail, she smiled with delight.

Dougie ran into Sunshine that night. Missing were her flashy colors, short skirts and dazzling makeup. Her once-tight jeans fit loosely on her thinner frame. "She used to want to stand out," Dougie said, disappointed. "Now she wants to blend in."

And Dougie almost got evicted from his new bachelor pad for "unlawful behavior." He says his landlord caught him in the hallway late one night with a woman from next door and a neighbor from a nearby apartment. "I had a condom on, so I wasn't naked," he says. Dougie explains that the woman next door begged the landlord to let him stay, and the eviction was overturned. The next day, Dougie proudly showed off his eviction notice at the Peanut.

The Peanut is Dougie's hangout because he can walk there from his apartment. Dougie doesn't own a car. He walks everywhere he goes, which is the setup to one of his favorite stories.

It was a rainy weeknight when a visiting businessman in a rented PT Cruiser picked Dougie up in front of Michael's Clothing Company downtown on Main. He drove Dougie to his room at the Embassy Suites in Westport.

"I have to find dope and shoot him up," Dougie says. "I end up shooting him up, and then all we do is, I took a bath. He watched me take a bath. I, like, extra specially washed my asshole, 'Ya like that, Daddy? Yeah, you like that, you nasty fucker.' He ate that shit up. Then I filled up a couple cups of piss so that, when I left, he could drink it." Dougie says he made $150 that night for taking a bath. "That wasn't even work. I didn't really hustle shit."

Satisfied with the triumphant return of Nightlife Jones, Dougie returned his focus to his crucifixion.

"I know he could use a cleansing of his soul right now," Jackson, the party promoter, says of Dougie. "Why else would you want to crucify yourself but to cleanse, to absorb sins, to try to do something with 'em?"

On a sunny Saturday morning in November, Dougie hitched a ride to the Home Depot at Linwood and Main to buy supplies for his crucifixion. Before walking in, he chugged two cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon in the parking lot.

In the lumber department, he came upon a long, sturdy plank on an orange rack. "I think I'm going to name this piece of wood Betty Sue." He leaned in and kissed it and attempted to pull it off the rack. "Heavy," he observed. "I can only imagine what Jesus went through."

Dougie looked around for a Home Depot worker. He spotted a young guy with ironed-straight hair and freckles. His orange apron read "Mike."

"I'm looking to make a cross," Dougie explained. "It has to support my weight. I'm gonna need 6, maybe 7 feet."

Mike didn't flinch. He suggested that Dougie put a notch in the vertical piece of wood so that the horizontal piece fits like a puzzle. Mike went off to consult a co-worker.

"That's what I love about Home Depot folks," Dougie said. He smiled. "So knowledgeable."

Mike came back with a Home Depot worker named Chris, who said that Dougie's going to need a joist hanger to fasten the cross to a wall for support. Dougie nodded along with Chris' technical explanation. "Now, do you want some of it to be sticking out above your head?" Chris asked. "Maybe a foot?" Dougie nodded, then added, "All I'm going to be wearing is BluBlockers and a jockstrap."