Bike to the Hospital

In Kansas City, Bike to Work Week sounds about as safe as Bike to Baghdad.

But things apparently didn't go so badly during the annual ritual. And that should come as a surprise to anybody who's donned the spandex for a spin around Kansas City. Of the 514 commuters who signed up, just two bikers were hit within city limits, according to Brent Hugh, president of the Missouri Bicycle Federation. (Bike to Work Week ended just a few days before cyclist Louis Bailey, known in downtown circles for selling flowers from his two-wheeler, was struck by a car and killed at Burlington Road and 12th Avenue.)

So the Department of Burnt Ends came up with a list of possible reasons for the low carnage.

· Riders are still crawling out of man-sized potholes.

· Drivers swerved away from cyclists after hearing "20 points for the old lady."

· Smart drivers are aiming for less mobile idiots on Segways.

· Actually, most bicyclists didn't commute because they don't have jobs. Damn hippies.

· Bike to Work Week is less celebrated than, in this order, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Shark Week and L. Ron Hubbard's Birthday.

· Downtown construction prevents drivers from going faster than 10 mph anyway.

· Wait. Bike to Work Week? We thought you said dyke to work week.