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There is a volleyball net staked on the grassy hill where Jesus will rule the Earth during the Second Coming. A signpost at the bottom of the hill explains the spot's historical and spiritual significance: On August 3, 1831, Mormon prophet Joseph Smith Jr. dedicated this land in the City of Zion for the Lord's temple, and Mormons believe that Christ will rule from a throne here for a millennium.

The City of Zion is also known as Independence, Missouri.

The same year that Smith blessed the land — 1831 — he had a revelation that the Garden of Eden was in Independence, which he called "the center place." Most Judeo-Christian theology places the Garden in the Middle East. But the Mormons, more formally known as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, believe that Adam and Eve lived in Independence before being expelled and that the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge grew nearby.

That's why I'm here — I'm searching for the Garden of Eden. My logic is simple. Smith marked the site for Christ's temple. He even knew where Adam and Eve went after they were kicked out of the Garden of Eden (which he put about 85 miles north of Independence, in a place he called Adam-ondi-Ahman, just outside Jameson in Daviess County). Surely Smith marked the spot of the Garden of Eden and the Tree of Life. With 20,000 Mormons living in the Kansas City area (worldwide Mormonism claims 13 million followers), I figured that someone could show me where the Garden grew.

Let me explain by first saying I am not a Mormon, nor am I particularly spiritual, having been born into a family of Sunday-football-watching, nonpracticing Lutherans. My experience with Mormonism has been limited to a 2003 episode of South Park in which the blue-and-red-stocking-capped Stan disputes Joseph Smith's claim that the Garden sprouted in Jackson County. "If you're going to say things that have been proven wrong, like the first man and woman lived in Missouri and that Native Americans came from Jerusalem, then you better have something to back it up," Stan scolds his family and a Mormon family.

The rest of America's experience with Mormons is also somewhat limited. Evangelical Christians believe that Mormonism is a cult. HBO viewers know Big Love, a show about a man with three wives, and believe that they're Mormons. They're actually Fundamentalist Mormons, inspired by Warren Jeffs, the leader of a radical splinter group known as the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeffs, who was once on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted List, made national headlines in 2006 and 2007 after he was arrested in Nevada and charged with incest, sexual conduct with a minor and arranging marriages between adult men in his church and "child brides."

And last month saw the release of September Dawn, a film about the 1857 massacre of 120 men, women and children at the hands of a Mormon militia in Utah.

Then there's Mitt Romney, the former Massachusetts governor and practicing Mormon. Romney is searching for his own Garden of Eden: the Republican nomination for president of the United States. Finding it will be about as difficult as locating the Garden. To do so, he will have to overcome not just the perception of Mormons in society but also the fact that Americans have elected only one president who wasn't from a traditional Protestant background — John F. Kennedy, a Catholic.

His quest for the White House inspired my journey.

I invited Romney to help, but he didn't return my phone calls or e-mails. I should have known: He got huffy with CBS' Hannah Storm when she asked him if he considered Missouri a holy land. "You know, why don't you talk to my church about doctrines of my church? And I'm going to leave to me the responsibility I have to talk about America and its future," Romney responded during the July 3 interview.

According to news reports, Romney is now considering a speech styled after John F. Kennedy's famous 1960 address in which he explained his Catholic faith to the nation. "I am not the Catholic candidate for president," Kennedy declared. "I am the Democratic Party's candidate for president who also happens to be a Catholic. I do not speak for my church on public matters — and the church does not speak for me."

So I began my search without Romney. I arrive in Independence in early July. It isn't the paradise Joseph Smith once claimed. The dubious reputation as America's meth capital that Rolling Stone stamped on the city nearly 20 years ago remains. More recently, Independence has been plagued with negative press: the disappearance of brother and sister Sam and Lindsey Porter, wild police chases, and local cops forcing a pregnant African-American woman to lie facedown on the side of an interstate during a traffic stop.

Yet, the grounds around Christ's future temple offer a glimpse of the paradise that Smith probably imagined. Far from the the city's strip malls, the payday-loan stores, fast-food joints and car dealerships, the lawn is a lush green, like a freshly trimmed football field. Mormon splinter churches surround it. The headquarters for the Church of Christ (or Hedrickites) borders the parcel's north edge. Across the street, the Community of Christ's stainless-steel spire punctures the heavens.

The Mormon visitor's center is a block away with its own manicured lawn and blooming flowers. When I enter through a revolving door, a swarm of modestly dressed Mormon missionaries surrounds me. A statue of Jesus Christ with arms outstretched stares down at me.

Sister Mendoza latches onto me. A missionary from Mexico with a thick accent that makes her difficult to understand at times, Sister Mendoza is one of the 50,000 Mormons serving on missions across the world. Young Mormons pay their own way to serve Jesus Christ for up to two years. The men must be between the ages of 19 and 25, and the women older than 21. They are paired with a missionary of the same sex (unless they are married) and taught to street-preach and make house calls teaching the basic tenets of Mormonism.

"I'm looking for the Garden of Eden," I say.

Sister Mendoza escorts me to the reception area and pulls out The Book of Mormon, a text as sacred to the church as the Bible. She marks a couple of passages, scribbles her contact information on the front cover, and writes down journal passages by church apostles and presidents.

Sister Mendoza bursts with enthusiasm and keeps thanking the Heavenly Father for sending me to her. She leads me to the basement, where she implores me to keep my heart open and feel the spirit of the Holy Ghost. "Pay attention to the spirit," she repeats.

Before I know it, I'm in a dark room watching a video about Joseph Smith's life.

Life in Missouri was never paradisiacal for the first Mormons. Early Missouri settlers felt threatened by the growing Mormon population and its opposition to slavery, so they raided Mormon settlements and drove the Mormons from Jackson County.

By 1838, the Mormons were at war with Missouri, and Missouri Gov. Lilburn Boggs issued an extermination order in October of that year. "The Mormons must be treated as enemies, and must be exterminated or driven from the State if necessary for the public peace — their outrages are beyond all description," it read.

At Haun's Mill, northeast of Independence, 18 Mormons were massacred. (The extermination order wasn't formally repealed until 1976, implying that it was legal to kill a Mormon in Missouri until then.) In 1844, Smith was murdered by a mob in Illinois and became a martyr.

The video ends (without mentioning the Garden of Eden), and another missionary pops into the room. Sister Carroll (I think that was her name), an equally enthusiastic blonde, begins her sentences with "I know," such as "I know that Joseph Smith Jr. is a prophet" and "I know that there are living prophets on Earth." Her eyes bulge as she testifies to me. She carries a massive combination Bible and The Book of Mormon and reads passages I can't quite remember (possibly from Michael and Galatians).

"What did the apostles come to Earth to teach us?" she asks me.

I feel a little on the spot. "They came to show us God's will," I stammer.

"They're here to teach us what God wants us to do," she half-concurs.

She asks me to read a couple of chapters in The Book of Mormon tonight.

I agree. One is about asking God if what's taught in The Book of Mormon is true. The other concerns God not being able to perform miracles unless his children believe.

So I decide to become, at least for the purpose of this story, a believer. I will believe as long as God provides me answers.

The actual Garden of Eden could be anywhere. Maybe it's on the grassy hill where Joseph Smith Jr. envisioned Jesus' temple or underneath the surrounding churches. Or maybe the Garden is somewhere else in town, buried under a housing development or apartment complex, biding its time beneath the Bass Pro Shops, scheduled to open in late January, or pro golfer Greg Norman's course. Maybe it's the entire city. Elders and sisters at the Liberty Jail (where Joseph Smith was imprisoned) explained to me that the Garden could have been the entire world at the time. As one sister said, "It had to be somewhere, right? Why not?"

Or maybe Joseph Smith got it wrong.

So I return to the visitor's center, where I eyeball a giant map of Missouri with Sister Mendoza. The map highlights Mormon historical sites: the Liberty Jail; Adam-ondi-Ahman, where Adam was exiled; Far West, where the stones were laid for a future temple. The map doesn't show the Garden of Eden.

I ask Sister Mendoza if there is a specific site for it.

"No, I don't think so," she tells me. "You should ask Elder Poll."

But the well-studied Elder Poll is unavailable, so I leave.

The next day, while I'm at an Old 97's concert, a pair of college-age missionaries, Sister Morris and Sister Hackett, leave a message on my cell phone.

I return their call a day later.

"What church do you go to?" Sister Hackett asks.

"I don't go to church," I say.

"Oh, you don't? I'm sorry."

"It's OK."

"Do you believe in Jesus Christ?" she asks.

"I'm trying to figure out my beliefs in Jesus Christ," I say. "To be honest with you, I've always fluctuated between believing and being agnostic."

She tells me to keep praying, to keep reading The Book of Mormon.

"Do you pray?" Sister Hackett asks.

"It's very flexible," I say.

"Do you ever feel that you get answers to your prayers?"

"Sometimes," I say.

The truth is, I pray most during Iowa State University football and basketball games. The answer I usually get is that God hates the Cyclones.

I tell her that I'm a writer with the Pitch.

"We don't read the newspapers, but that's cool," she says.

We set up a meeting for the following Monday, but when Monday comes, the sisters cancel. They're chasing souls at an apartment complex at the east side of town at 23rd Street and Wheeling. I convince them to meet me there.

In the parking lot, on a suffocating Kansas City afternoon, Sister Hackett, a longhaired brunette from Utah, and Sister Morris, a mountain-loving blonde from Nevada, ask me the same questions posed during that phone call. They want to know if I believe in God.

"Some days," I tell them.

They seem innocent and incorruptible. Sister Hackett is a year into her mission. Sister Morris still has 15 months to go.

I explain my own mission: to find the Garden of Eden.

They say the Garden is definitely in Independence, but each echoes Sister Mendoza's suggestion that I speak with Elder Poll. My hopes for the Garden now lie with him.

While I wait for a meeting with Elder Poll, missionaries continue to stop by my apartment building, leaving business card versions of billboards posted around the city: "The truth about life's great questions is now restored." One card includes a phone number written on the back with the inscription "Justin, call us." Church telemarketers also call me repeatedly to see if I've received a copy of The Book of Mormon.

Clearly, a full-scale marketing campaign is under way for my soul.

Finally, I decide to see if one of the church's telemarketers can answer my great question: Where is the Garden of Eden? Reed, an unsure-sounding college kid, goes through the formalities: Had I received a book? What did I think?

"I hope that you will continue to read The Book of Mormon," Reed stumbles. "Um, I love to read The Book of Mormon. It's a great retreat from the many other things that aren't so church-related."

"Missouri has a couple of sacred sites, right?" I ask. "Like Adam-ondi-Ahman and the Garden of Eden?"

Reed laughs uncomfortably. "Those are sacred sites," he says. "If I knew where those were, I'd probably try and live there."

"Well, the Garden of Eden is supposed to be in Independence, right?"

"That is where it's supposed to be, right. That's not like one of those hardcore, like, you know, Ten Commandment things, you know," he says. "We don't teach a lot about it."

"No?"

"We teach that that's where Adam and Eve came from and that someday it will be revealed to us where those sites were. But I don't know that those have been revealed or put into stone."

"I'd read some stuff that said Joseph Smith said the Garden of Eden is in Jackson County, Missouri, which is where I live," I explain.

"Well, if Joseph Smith said that, then it must be right. But it's not something that comes up a lot. So I'm sorry, I can't tell you more." A week later, I meet Elder Robert Poll at the Independence visitors' center. He turns out to be a grandfatherly fellow who likes to punctuate his points by slapping my knees. He and his wife left their home in Morgan, Utah, for this voluntary two-year mission. Elder Poll is supposed to be the answer man. Sister Morris and Sister Hackett listen intently as Elder Poll gives me an overview of their church's beliefs.

"If you look on the map and such, Justin, from New York to California, this is kind of the center place," he says of Independence. "It's also to be the place where special things have happened and will happen."

In 1831, Smith dedicated 63 -1/2 acres for a yet-to-be-erected temple — the spot where I found the volleyball net. But by 1833, hostile Missourians drove the Mormons from Jackson County and, by the spring of 1839, the state.

"But it does not release the mandate that the temple of Our Father in Heaven will be built here," Elder Poll says. "Just before his coming, the Second Coming, he will build his temple here in Independence."

Elder Poll is certain that the Son of God will call Independence home. "During that thousand-year millennium, he'll rule and reign the entire world from this facility right here," he tells me. "So it's a unique place. It's a very sacred place for us, for what has happened and what will happen."

If the temple lot is so sacred, isn't it blasphemous to stake a volleyball net there?

"I don't think so," Elder Poll says. "I think the Lord likes to have fun and such. He says that 'men are that they might have joy.' Happiness and joy are part of the existence for his children."

I tell him that I'm looking for the actual spot where Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge. I ask him flat-out: "Did Joseph Smith mark a specific site as the Garden of Eden?"

"No," Elder Poll says. "He just indicated that this was the center spot and that the Garden of Eden was in Independence, Jackson County area."

I sink in my seat.

He goes on.

"I don't know that there was a special spot, see," Elder Poll says. "Not to my knowledge. Not that I've ever read. I'll find out for you."

I perk up.

"As soon as Joseph Smith comes back to us, I'll ask him, and he'll tell us," Elder Poll says. Despite his hearty laugh, he's serious. "Or, better off, even Adam. Adam will tell us. Adam directed a lot of this, Justin. We believe that Joseph Smith and all prophets could communicate with all the prophets of old. Adam was our forefather, so he'll tell us exactly, 'Oh, it was right here. This is where the Tree of Life was' and such."

I feel dejected. I have a deadline that won't wait for Joseph Smith or Adam to return. But if Adam is on his way back, I knew where to find him — Adam-ondi-Ahman. I'll have to go there.

"I'll just maintain this, Justin, that you'll feel something here and at Adam-ondi-Ahman that you won't with many of the other sites," Elder Poll says. "You'll have goose bumps go up and down your arms, and you'll have a warm feeling and you'll have a peaceful feeling. You'll have a calm feeling. That's the spirit saying —" he slaps me on the knee again — "Justin, keep up the good work. I love you as your father. Those things that you're being taught and feel are from me. They're right and they're true.'"

He continues, "Thank you so much for letting us give you a little background and to build upon why we believe these, some people think, crazy things. But they're not so crazy. They're pretty simple.... That's quite a claim, that this is the Garden of Eden, quite a claim that this is where the Son of God is going to have his home. But all of us in this room know without a shadow of a doubt that it's true, and you felt it, too."

The room goes quiet for an uncomfortably long time before Elder Poll breaks the tension with a wink.

"Lord bless you," he says. Rain-soaked Missouri Highway 13 twists past farmhouses with American flags waving proudly out front, corn stalks standing at attention and burned-out buses and cars. If I can't find the Garden of Eden, maybe the Holy Ghost will testify to my spirit and I'll feel the peace and goose bumps at Adam-ondi-Ahman that Elder Poll promised.

In May 1838, Joseph Smith received a revelation near Spring Hill, Missouri, that he was at the site of Adam and Eve's exile from the Garden of Eden. Smith called the valley Adam-ondi-Ahman, which Mormon scholars have translated as "Valley of God, where Adam dwelt." Smith said Adam would return to Adam-ondi-Ahman just before the Second Coming.

Today, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints owns about 3,500 acres in this rural valley, most of which it rents to farmers. Farmhouses sit off long gravel driveways along the country road. Barbed wire connects the fence posts, which are painted white for purity along the roadside. Cattle graze in the barren fields. Trees blossom.

The elders at Adam-ondi-Ahman are skittish and tight-lipped. One, who asked to remain anonymous, tells me the church stresses that the job at hand is to beautify and maintain Adam-ondi-Ahman, not to publicize or talk to the press. Not that publicity is necessary; as I arrive, a tour bus idles near the entrance and tourists snap photos of the giant sign pointing toward the Mormon holy ground.

I'm here to meet an elder for a guided tour. But when I ring the bell at his home, he hasn't returned from his dental appointment. Instead, his wife gives me a couple of printouts about Adam-ondi-Ahman's history. I take the information and begin my search for Adam and his lost stone altar, upon which, Joseph Smith claimed, Adam had offered sacrifices to God.

The gravel road horseshoes around Adam-ondi-Ahman. I begin my search at Tower Hill Valley Overlook. I start walking on a trail toward the overlook when a pickup truck parks next to my car. It's the elder, who starts grumbling about "chiggers and ticks." They're bad this season, he says. The elder and his wife are one of 11 retired missionary couples who have agreed to care for Adam-ondi-Ahman over the summer.

About seven weeks ago, the valley was flooded with 10 feet of water, he says. The water has since receded, leaving an opulent green pasture. It looks like a Thomas Kinkade painting.

The elder leads me down a rocky path toward a jagged horizontal boulder. This is "The Preacher's Rock," so named because Mormons used to stand on the rock to proselytize to those in the lower valley. "There's a special significance and a special spirit here that's enjoyable," the elder says.

The elder leads me to a square stone buried in a mound of dirt. He says it was likely a Nephite altar. I ask him about Adam's altar and show him a photo I found on the Internet of a man standing behind a tree surrounded by stones. The photo appeared in the book Joseph Smith Begins His Work: Volume 1.

The elder cracks up when he sees the photo. He says the farmers near Adam-ondi-Ahman joke that they dump their rocks here and Mormons swipe them because they think they're sacred stones.

The elder asks what sparked my interest in Adam-ondi-Ahman. I explain that I'm looking for the Garden of Eden because of Mitt Romney's candidacy for the presidency. The elder likes Romney, says he'd be good for the country, though he's not political enough to win the White House.

After that, he leaves me to explore the rest of Adam-ondi-Ahman alone. I drive to the other lookout. There's no one there. It's serene. Birds chirp. Bugs whiz past my head. I see an eagle soaring in the distance. I feel at peace with the place.

Then frustration begins to creep in. I'm no closer to the Garden of Eden. Adam isn't here. Neither is his altar.

I sit in the grass among the trees and wait for the goose bumps that just won't come.

Write Your Comment show comments (20)
  1. Great article. I've never been to Eden. It was hilarious to read how your experience with Mormon missionaries left you feeling bombarded. I was a missionary in the '90s (in England), and I often thought people felt that way. I'm glad you took the time to try to visit these places. I don't know how much confidence I'd put in 'Nephite altars' or other such things. Joseph Smith was a great man. But, it must be emphasized, he was a man. His actual writings confirm that he had no education (much as the Greek of the New Testament shouted that its authors were Semitic laborers). Much of what is attributed to him has been taken from notes left by others. However, I think that my church is very serious about your state being special. So, keep an eye out for that temple.

    Deseretian

  2. The important thing is you felt at peace with the place. That is a good place to start your real search.

  3. Well... I'd always assumed that the Garden of Eden was taken up into Heaven just like Enoch's City was... so you can't walk to where it used to be. (Besides, there's that whole angel with a flaming sword business, so I think you ought to be happy you didn't find your way to the garden).

    One way in which Independence does fit the Garden of Eden topography is that the Bible describes 3 large rivers, that flow into one river at the Garden site.

    Typical assumptions that this is in the Middle East runs into the problem that there are no such rivers.

    There were however such rivers at Independence. (Although the Mississippi has shifted away since the Mormons were there).

    Most Mormons assume that it was during the Flood that men shifted from the Old world to the New.

  4. I've never been to the Independence area before. Maybe some day I'll get the chance.
    I just wanted to add a little perspective to your consideration (and others) of the G of E being in Independence. From the Bible we learn that the continents of the earth were one until about 4 generations after the flood. From Genesis 10:25 and reiterated again in 1 Chronicles 1:19, "And two sons were born to Eber; the name of the one was Peleg, for in his days was the earth divided."

    Also, after Peleg, there is no record of Biblical prophets saying anything related to the G of E being in the old world.

    So, the Garden existed on the single land mass that became divided into numerous parts of which any one could be considered the correct general location--including the American Continent.

  5. The Church of Jesus Christ (LDS) is often misunderstood . . Some accuse the Church of not believing in Christ and, therefore, not being a Christian religion . . http://mormonsarechristian.blogspot.com/ helps to clarify such misconceptions by examining early (First Century) Christianity's understanding of baptism, the Godhead, the deity of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. The Church of Jesus Christ (LDS) adheres to Early Christian theology more closely than other Christian denominations.

  6. I wonder why you are searching for the G of E? Are you hoping to find this altar? Think it's worth a lot of money? Maybe real estate speculation? If found, I guess a lot of people and "Christian" churches would want to locate there immediately? It doesn't sound like you really want to find it to be closer to God by finding the place. Maybe you're an archaeologist or an antique treasure hunter? Or, maybe you just like playing with people? What if the G of E was originally there? Maybe you'll find out someday. Maybe this will be one surprise for you among many? I've never met a live Mormon who really thought or cared anything about this.

    We do have members of some cults (religious practice, not the occult) who believe that the wine and wafer of their sacrament actually convert to blood and flesh after swallowed. I believe it is called "transubstantiation". Perhaps a surgeon should investigate the truth. That might be an easier find for you, and then you could go about the entire planet asking members about this. Most live Mormons seem more concerned about more significant issues today.

  7. I like your article. I think you were pretty fair in about everything you say and describe and I appreciate it.

    President Brigham Young

    “I have never been in Jackson County, now it is a pleasant thing to think of and to know where the garden of Eden was. Did you ever think of it? I do not think many do, for in Jackson County was the garden of Eden. Joseph has declared this and I am as much bound to believe that as to believe that Joseph was a prophet of God” (Journal History of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 15 Mar. 1857, 1).

  8. Mr. Justin:

    Enjoyed your article. I couldn't tell how much your quest for the GofE was tounge-in-check. Good luck trying to find it.

    As a life long and still-practicing Mormon, I really don't spend much time thinking about Independence or the GofE, and I haven't met any Mormons who do. I guess I have more immediate and important issues to worry about -- like getting the young men in my ward (congregation) to mutual (youth activities) on Tuesday nights. Try this -- survey 1000 Mormons, with 500 of those being outside the U.S. (since half of all Mormons live outside the US anyway) and see how many have even heard of Independence, of Brother Joseph's prophecy about a temple at that location, or of the GofE having been near there.

    BTW -- One aspect of the South Park episode that so many non-LDS writers refer to -- in the end the South Park regulars are depicted as losers who have meaningless and shallow lives. The Mormon kid comes off as the only one who has his head on straight, any ambition, and any semblence of a productive family. Maybe the SP writers and producers are on to something . . . maybe.

    Mark

  9. This story was hillarious. I served a mission a few years back, and laugh in retrospect sometimes at how clueless I was in regards to not coming across as creepy and robotic. That being said, I'm very active in the LDS church, and have tried my best to get to the bottom ot the Garden of Eden idea. My concusion: basically, there are no doctrinally binding first hand sources documenting that Adam-Ondi-Ahman was divinely identified as the location of the garden of eden, thus I see no merit in it being an official doctrine. (And, I don't think the church teaches that as an official doctrine). What the Doctrine and Covenants does teach is that Adam-Ondi-Ahman is where Adam will return to the earth as a part of Christ's millenial reign. That is explicitly stated, but nowhere does Mormon scripture unambiguously state that the garden of eden was located in Jackson County, Missouri. Other Mormons will debate this with me, and that's healthy and good. What it comes down to is this: Does everything Joseph Smith taught become official, binding, church doctrine? The answer is no, so Joseph asserting in sermons of the day that Independence is the Garden of Eden is not a doctrinally binding statement. Additionally, no living general authority has made any statements on the topic, which leaves it sort of undefined and awaiting clarification. In all reality though, the location of the GofE is a rather esoteric and unimportant piece in the story of Mormonism. At least to us Mormons. Again, great piece.

  10. Justin,

    I thought about it a little more today, why you're in search of the G of E. I figure it could be you're a herpetologist. Or, you could be a produce wholesaler interested in setting up Forbidden Fruit stands all over K.C. Strange what some folks think of these money-grubbing Mormons that they haven't done this yet themselves. Some would think, by now, they would have set up a restored G of E, with a well-worn looking stone altar set therein, and they should be selling tickets to get in to see the whole place.

    I think your real thing is to tell the world in a mocking way how robotic they seem to be with their missionary zeal in their efforts to convert you from the moment you walked in. ATTACK!!! No telling you where the mystery garden is, but just robotic-line memorized one-liner marketing to get you into the tub. Well, think about this. Have you ever heard of Junipero Serra? In 5th grade at Jefferson Junior High School about 50 years ago, one of my favorite teachers (Mrs. Campbell) taught us out of a textbook entitled "Early California", about the history of the state. Now let's preface all this by making sure you know I have a very close friend who is currently president of a RC university, formerly a Provincial in the Philadelphia area. I have had many RC friends, and my own Italian family that migrated around the Cape from Boston to SF in 1851 were RC. So, it's really something I haven't thought about in years. But this Junipero Serra guy was the ultimate RC priest who led a whole cadre of other priests to establish the entire chain of RC missions up & down the state. How did they accomplish this feat? By converting and immediately enslaving countless Indians/Native Americans to do the work. Just think, had you been one of them and your Mormon hosts followers of Serra, they might not have been quite so kind, polite and endearing toward you who didn't enter the building for any other reason but to taunt them enough to carefully craft your article in The Pitch. No marketing ("satisfying consumer needs", Philip Kotler) approach, but they would have chains of bondage waiting for you in the back room. Slightly different approach? These other readers have no idea, apparently, about the objective of your article for the K.C. and Independence audience. They've obviously never lived in Missouri, or they'd know better.

  11. Justin,

    It is very evident by your style that you are a writer by trade. One could even class you as a professional writer, meaning that in the more derogatory sense, at least a little bit anyway.

    Those in your profession actually do have to make a living writing something that well sell and attract readers, any kind of reader. I can respect the drive to put something out.

    To boilerplate writers like yourself, most anything will do, even if it is to ridicule that with is different and of which you know little about. Somewhat like a burley schoolyard bully befriending and then humiliating the new skinny kid while stealing his lunch money so that he and his friends can have their jollies on the little guy’s dime.

    What’s the harm anyway? Everyone in the schoolyard is laughing. Majority rules! Right.

    Oh yes, you are a very good writer, in the way that many are good stand-ups, actors and the like. You do craft a skillful but irreverent “tongue and cheek” that is attractive. If that is your objective, then you have met it.

    Most of all, I am bothered by the dishonesty. Humor is wonderful if there is an actual beneficial purpose to it. Your musings just comes across as a quirky theatrical performance journey using a fictitious Garden of Eden search as a base to build an irreverent humor piece on. All of which seems designed mostly to line your pockets while entertaining a few readers with a bit nonsense. It leaves me wondering, where is the real you in all of this?

    But maybe I have misjudged you. You actually may be that cynical and shallow or just hungry with a mortgage and lifestyle to support. Maybe this is the sum total of your character. How can I tell? I don’t live in your area and only know you from this piece. I hope that is not the truth.

    Maybe one of these days you can re-take a real Garden of Eden tour. One in which you are never going to write about, a journey that you do for yourself. One where you honestly go to find out why the people in the places you visited do what they do, to trying to see though their eyes what they are seeing.

    Perhaps, for an old cynical humor hack as you, that is too much to ask, where every life experience must be looked at with an irreverent writer’s perspective. Maybe it is too hard for you to step out of character. Never the less, if you do you may actually find the real Garden of Eden, where before you were not able to see the forest for the trees.

  12. Your story is an interesting one. There is a subject or word you never used in your story, Danites. Please Google that word. It is important that you do your own research about this subject. Danites were people appointed by the church to shed the blood of those who so foolishly thought they should leave the church. This was a practice which came into being in Missouri. It was not well received by the local law. However, did you notice that it was ommitted from all of the conversations you had with those who could have given you that information? Instead, Mormons try to play it off that they were the victims, they were persecuted? When a militia of people begin killing innocent people for their beliefs, or lack of belief, and the local law begins to retaliate, the original militia (and its sponsoring organization) becomes the victim? I think not.

    As with many organizations and humans in general, some people cannot handle having any power. It corrupts them. It seems that even those wonderful Mormons, as they see themselves) were greedy and wanted to always come off as being "the best", no matter how underhandedly they had to be to "show" themselves that way. Truth is always better than fiction, but truth is not always told.

  13. Gardener,

    I encourage you to view this web site: http://www.jefflindsay.com/LDSFAQ/FQ_Danites.shtml and not just the anti-mormon ones.

    God Bless,

    RJ

  14. Funny, my husband and I discovered Adam-Ondi-Ahman a few weeks ago on a trip to the Amish community of Jamesport. I had seen something about it in the recent PBS special on the Mormons. It is beautiful with obviously fertile farm land up there, but I have to say I expected something more. It pretty much just looked like Missouri to me. I mean, after all, these are the folks who wear curious underwear and knock on doors almost as much as the JW's. I will say I am indebted to them, though, for their genealogy sites. I just didn't see that it was any more special than the surrounding Amish farm country, however.

  15. Justin,

    In about the last paragraph of your article, you said you couldn't find Adam. Most people begin reading the Bible, and never get past Genesis. I would finally suggest that you at least read Genesis up to Chapter 5, Verse 5. It says that Adam died.

  16. Justin,

    May you be at peace with the religious crackpots, for they will never leave you alone until the glorious day Lord Jebus descends in his spaceship and uses one of your ribs to produce a underage cousin for which to marry and molest under the Lord's glowing stare. Please, take these pamphlets -- they will be your sheild from the devil's words. Be blessed, fair Justin! Be motherfuckin' blessed 4eva!!!

  17. Justin,

    May you be at peace with the religious crackpots, for they will never leave you alone until the glorious day Lord Jebus descends in his spaceship and uses one of your ribs to produce a underage cousin which you can marry and molest under the eye-bugging gaze of HIM. Please, take these pamphlets -- as they will be your sheild to secular sit-coms and newspapers. Be blessed, dear Justin! Be blessed by motherfuckin' Jebus 4eva!!!

  18. It was Joseph Smith along with the other leaders of the LDS faith that introduced the rhetoric of 'war of extermination'.

    On July 4th 1838, in a speech co-written by Joseph Smith, Sidney Rigdon (who founded Mormonism along with Smith) declared,
    'And that mob that comes on us to disturb us, it shall be between us and them a war of extermination; for we will follow them until the last drop of their blood is spilled; or else they will have to exterminate us, for we will carry the seat of war to their own houses and their own families, and one party or the other shall be utterly destroyed.'

    This is a direct quote from the Mormon's official 'Comprehensive History of the Church'. It appears in vo1umn one on page 441.

    A good review of the 'Mormon Wars' can be found here: http://www.lds-mormon.com/tmpc.shtml

  19. Hey RJ,

    Debunking Lindsay is a lot like plunking fish in a barrel.

    Why not recommend the work of the official Mormon Educator Grant Palmer?
    >Grant H. Palmer (a fourth-generation Mormon, Brigham Young University graduate: M.A. American History) provides a helpful summary of the enormous amount of research that has been done over the last 25 years concerning the origins of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church — the Mormons). The word “Insider” in the title reflects his thirty-four years of experience as an Institute Director for the Church Educational System (CES)...

    http://www.irr.org/mit/Insiders-View-of-Mormon-Origins.html
    http://www.lds-mormon.com/insiders_view.shtml

    A lot of the best 'anit-Mormon' stuff out there comes directly from the the offical Mormon histories.

    For example, Joseph Smith published at least four very different versions of the story of how God choose him as his prophet...

    "The 8th and final chapter consist of Joseph Smith’s four First Vision accounts recorded during 1832, 1835, 1838 and 1842. The foundational importance of the First Vision for the LDS Church cannot be over emphasized. Current LDS President Gordon B. Hinckley declares:

    Our whole strength rests on the validity of that vision. It either occurred or it did not. If it did not, then this work is a fraud. (Salt Lake Tribune, October 7, 2002)"

    Some how Plamer has remained a Mormon. The power of double-think is never to be underestimated.

  20. Okay, first of all, i have lived in blue springs for 20 years and so far, i haven't come across any Garden of Eden. I have been a christian for 15 years, and i have never heard anything as rediculous as someone saying that the Garden of Eden is in Independence. The Only garden coming out of independence is Marijuana gardens. Hence the name. #1 drug city in the nation.

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