The Cheapskate Edition

Here's a little help for our friends.

By THE PITCH STAFF 

Not to be all doom and gloom, but it was impossible not to feel a chill when this year began, moneywise.

The stock market tanked on its first day of the new year. USA Today reported that the Dow Jones industrial average had its "poorest first day since 1983" and the Standard & Poor's 500 Index had its worst beginning since 2001 and "sixth-worst first-day performance since 1932."

Yikes!

Oil hit $100 a barrel. Some economists say we're already in a recession. The president expects another wave of home foreclosures this year. And, yeah, those holiday shopping bills are due.

If all the bad news makes you want to reach for a bottle, go ahead and turn to page 17, where you'll find a list of places to get drunk cheap.

Also in this issue, you'll read about how the city's biggest cheapskate averages just $36 a month on gas. You'll find tips for how to eat some Morton's steak on a poor person's budget, where to get a shampoo and haircut for $5.50, even where to park in case you've just spent $600 on a couple of floor seats for Bon Jovi at the Sprint Center.

Life shouldn't be miserable, after all. That's one reason this newspaper is happy to provide a little help in hard times. For free.

BODY PRODUCTS

By NADIA PFLAUM

We all work hard, right? But sometimes, when our God-given talents aren't enough to pay off the Visa bill, it's possible to exploit other God-given commodities for their moneymaking potential. Here's a guide to several such options, along with some highly subjective points to consider when selling one's bodily byproducts in the Kansas City metro.

Plasma, more accurately. At least two local companies will pay cash for plasma: ZLB Plasma (3715 Broadway, 816-561-6224; 6199 Independence Avenue, 816-483-8344; 816 West 24th Street in Lawrence, 785-749-5750) and BioLife Plasma Center (19351 East Eastland Center Court in Independence, 816-795-7002).

How it works: Blood contains a cellular part (the white and red blood cells and platelets that help with clotting) and a liquid part called plasma (which contains antibodies and proteins that help fight disease). In a process called plasmapheresis, whole blood is collected from a donor through a needle and spun in a centrifuge, which separates the cellular portion of the blood from the plasma. The cellular portion is returned to the donor's bloodstream while the plasma is collected in a container. Pharmaceutical companies use the plasma to make drugs that treat people with immune diseases such as hemophilia or for products that treat burn victims.

The upside: The FDA allows two donations in a seven-day period. At BioLife, the first donation of the week is worth $20, and the second is worth $40, for a maximum of $60 a week. ZLB is more generous. ZLB donors earn $40 each for the first two donations. After the first two donations, the payment depends on a person's weight — heavier people can donate more plasma. That can add up to more than $80 a week.

The downside: Lots of restrictions and hoops to jump through. You must be between 18 and 65 years old, in good health and weigh at least 110 pounds. Both ZLB and BioLife require that you show a driver's license or other government-issued I.D., a Social Security card and a piece of mail from the last 30 days as proof of address. ZLB requires that you live within a 125-mile radius of its collection center.

Not good for: Anyone who fears needles and long waits.

Everyone's heard the stories about wealthy but tragically infertile couples who place want ads in the back of Ivy League student newspapers, offering to pay six figures for the eggs of a brilliant and gorgeous Tri-Delt. Forget it, sister. You're in Kansas City, and your best bet for selling those puppies is probably someplace like Midwest Reproductive Center (20375 West 151st Street, Suite 403, in Olathe, 913-780-4300), which is the office of fertility doctor Dan Gehlbach. Nurse Jennifer Fellers says the office has been in business since last March and has processed five donors' eggs so far.

How it works: You have to be a nonsmoker between 21 and 32 years old. Donors go through a rigorous screening process that includes physical and mental evaluations, a pelvic ultrasound and lab tests. If a donor passes inspection, her information and a childhood photograph are put in a file of potential anonymous donors. When a client selects the donor, the real process begins.

First the donor is put on birth-control pills to regulate her production of eggs. Then a nurse will teach the donor how to inject herself with fertility drugs using a needle no bigger than that required for an insulin shot. Once the donor's cycle is in synch with the egg recipient's cycle, the donor must go in for three to five office visits to receive more fertility drugs and be monitored on the progress of her "follicular growth." Then Gehlbach will decide on a good time for egg retrieval.

Egg retrieval takes about 15 minutes, Fellers says. The donor is sedated with a local anesthetic so that she can't see the giant needle going into her vagina. When it's over, she's taken to the recovery room, where she should be good to go after 30 minutes. Most women return to work the next day, Fellers says.

The upside: After the six- to eight-week process, donors earn $3,000 for a successfully donated egg. The rates for donations can go up once someone is considered a "proven" donor. And it shouldn't affect your ability to reproduce in the future.

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