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Dear Mexican:

I've often wondered how Mexicans would react if 25 million piss-poor Chinamen snuck into Mexico and took up residence. Would they be greeted with open arms? Or would they be greeted by armed men? And I'd bet a sack of pesos they wouldn't be given free health care, free schooling and Mexican driver's licenses, either.

Bi-Coastal Curious

Dear Gabacha:

Damn straight we'd kick those chinos down to Guatemala. In fact, Mexican-on-Chinese violence is one of Mexico's darkest legacies, on par with the Conquest and the donkey show. Mexican government officials used the pandemonium of the Mexican Revolution to discriminate against, evict and sometimes even massacre entire Chinese communities in a strategy known as el movimiento anti-chino.

"Leaders of the anti-Chinese movement promulgated a wide array of invidious legislation, including discriminatory labor laws and public health circulars, anti-miscegenation laws and residential segregation laws," writes UCLA's Robert Chao Romero, a Yorba Linda-based lawyer and the country's leading authority on the Chinese in Mexico.

The Mexican Anti-Chinese Movement was understandable — Chinese immigrants worked hard, built successful businesses, established themselves in civic life and made the natives in their adopted country look like the lazy pendejos they were. So what I'm trying to say, Bi-Coastal Curious, is that I get why you and so many gabachos hate Mexicans.

Dear Mexican:

What's up with the bull stickers on truck doors? Is this a secret business, something earned at some unmentionable contest south of the border, or a brotherhood of sorts? I thought about taking Spanish lessons so I could politely ask one of these guys.

Whitey

Dear Gabacho:

The bull sticker is no cloak-and-dagger marker. Toros on trucks are just cultural archetypes, a manifestation of Jung's theory that recurring characters, festivals and monuments in society represent a shared memory from its collective unconscious.

Americans decorate their lives with such motifs: lawns (reminder of — take your pick — the savannahs of our African roots, English manors or the open prairie from the frontier days), Thanksgiving (ceremony honoring our Puritan forefathers) and the continued popularity of Mickey Mouse (signifies our fascination with the trickster). Likewise, Mexicans consider the bull a reminder of the rancho they left behind, of the life that will never return.

Besides, as cultural archetypes go, a bull sticker is one of the best. Consider the attributes of the animal on display: ferocity, virility, protection, horns. It's everything a culture wishes its members could be — and so much better than the fruity shamrock or "BKS" decal on your Scion, no?

Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at mexican@pitch.com. Letters will be edited for clarity, cabrones. And include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we'll make one up for you!

Write Your Comment show comments (7)

  1. YOU "ILLEGAL INVADERS" DON'T WANT TO INTERGRATE INTO "AMERICAN SOCIETY", YOU WANT TO OVERTAKE OUR SOCIETY !!! TWO LANGUAGES!!! YOU CONTRIBUTE NOTHING BUT EXPECT FREE HEALTH CARE, FREE EDUCATION, WELFARE, AND OUR JOBS!!!! YOU ARE THE REASON FOR MOST OF THE PROBLEMS IN THE BALCK COMMUNITIES WHER YOU HIDE!!! DRUGS AND VIOLENCE ARE WHAT YOU BRING INTO OUR COUNTRY! LOOK AT THE BUST IN KANSAS CITY KANSAS, 43 INDICTED IN A MULTI MILLION DRUG RING!!!
    WHAT WOULD YOUR GOVERNMENT DO IF 25 MILLION AFRICANS, OR KOREANS OR CHINESE WITH NOTHING TO OFFER CAME ILLEGALLY INTO MEXICO EXPECTING FREE HEALTH CARE, FREE EDUCATION AND WELFARE FROM THE GOVERNMENT!! THEY WOULD BE HUNTED DOWN AND SLAUGHTERED AND DEPORTED!!!
    YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR AMERICAN LAWS, YOU COMMIT MURDER AND CRIMES AND THEN FLEE BACK TO MEXICO TO AVOID PROSECUTION!!! GO HOME AND APPLY THRU LEGAL MEANS AND LET US DECIDE WHO GETS TO ENTER OUR COUNTRY!!!!!
    JUST LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO THE "AMERICAN INDIAN" WHEN THEY FAILED TO CONTROL IMMIGRATION?? THEY LOST THEIR COUNTRY TO THE "INVADERS" FROM EUROPE!! ARE WE AMERICANS, THE TAX PAYERS GOING TO LET THIS HAPPEN ANY LONGER??? WE NEED TO UNITE JUST LIKE THE MEXICANS AND STOP THIS BULL NOW!!!!

    Comment by paul the american — February 10, 2008 @ 11:14AM

  2. im sick of ignorant white people not realizing that we need these immigrants to help our economy. If you havent noticed its not so hot. Thanks to the idiot president they elected the dollar is worth NOTHING NOW. And im sick of them saying illegals are getting free college education, ITS NOT FREE its just instate tuition. F-ING IDIOTS

    Comment by pissedoffinJOCO — February 11, 2008 @ 12:01PM

  3. AND ATLEAST THEY WORK AND CONTRIBUTE TO THE ECONOMY IF ANYTHING THE GOVT. SHOULD CRACK DOWN ON THE LAZY AFRICAN AMERICANS THAT LIVE OFF OF OUR TAX DOLLARS. WHATS MORE EMBARRASSING THE ILLEGALS COMING TO THE U.S. TO WORK OR OUR OWN AMERICAN PEOPLE BEING LAZY PUNKS LIVING FOR FREE, FREE CABLE, FREE INTERNET AND THEY DONT WORK. BUT THEY DO DRIVE BRAND NEW CADILLACS. IF ANYTHING WE SHOULD BE PROTESTING THAT, HELLO WERE BASICALLY WORKING HARD SO THOSE MILLIONS OF LAZY "AMERICANS" DONT HAVE TO.

    Comment by pissedoffinJOCO — February 11, 2008 @ 12:05PM

  4. You Illegal immigrants just don't get it do you? You entered our ( The American Peoples Country) illegally!!! If you want to be accepted apply legally if you can read and write!!! You Invade our country and put down the Blacks?? They were here before you and are legal citizens!!! It's not your right to call them lazy as you don't belong here!!! Go home you are the reason the Economy is in a down turn, you work for nothing and send the Money Home to Mexico!!! The law is the law, you bring Drugs to the Ghetto's, poison our youth, 43 Indicted in K.C. KS. that leads all the way to Mexico!!! Thanks!!!! Work in your own country Mexico!!! Would Mexico accomadate illegal immigrants, I think not just look what you did to the Chinese, just because they outperformed you lazy idiots!!!! You are not here to intergrate, but here to overtake!!!! You are breaking the LAW!!!!!!!!!! Paul the American

    Comment by paul the American — February 11, 2008 @ 01:11PM

  5. im not an illegal so dont call me that first of all. second of all is it okay for the lazy people that live off the welfare system to keep doing it just simply because they were born in the united states? If america really wanted to kick all the illegal immigrants out then they would. Ever wonder who hires them to work at mcdonalds or walmart? COORPORATE WHITE AMERICAN MEN DO. its not like the people that are "americans" would take those jobs anyways because its soo much easier for them to live on the welfare system.

    Comment by pissedoffinJOCO — February 11, 2008 @ 01:35PM

  6. you are right. im just a ignorant mother..! i apologize. im gonna go back to my trailer park.

    Comment by Paul the american — February 11, 2008 @ 01:44PM

  7. NOW YOU ARE WRITING MY COMMENTS!!! I NEVER SAID SORRY FOR ANYTHING!!!! I'M JUST SORRY THAT I'M NOT IN ICE OR IMIGRATION ENFORCEMENT!!
    CORPORATE AMERICA IS FULL OF GREEDY SELFISH PEOPLE WHO WILL ANSWER TO GOD-- GREED IS A SIN!!! JUST LIKE CROSSING THE BORDER IS BREAKING THE LAW!!! Paul the American

    Comment by PAUL — February 11, 2008 @ 05:06PM

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