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Park Nookie: a Guide

Want to get it on in the foliage? Follow this handy guide to the metro's hottest hilltops and hookup spots.

Whether you're trolling for sex with a random stranger or just looking for a quiet outdoor spot to fool around, Kansas City metro parks offer a wealth of options for the horny and the desperate. Throw in the risks of surveillance cameras, police patrols and news crews conducting undercover sting operations, and you have the "recreation" in parks and rec.

The Department of Burnt Ends has compiled this list of hookup spots in metro parks and rated the hotness of each on a scale of one to five Liberty Memorials.

1. Penn Valley Park

31st Street and Penn Valley Drive

Penn Valley Park stands as the ne plus ultra of cruising hookup parks, but complaints from neighboring businesses and condo residents — as well as an increased police presence — have nearly put the kibosh on doing it in the shadow of the smokin', throbbin' Liberty Memorial. Rating: One Liberty Memorial

2. Rosedale Park

35th Street and Booth, Kansas City, Kansas

A winding hilltop road leads up to the Rosedale Arch, a memorial to the Rosedale men who lost their lives in World War I. However, it's the parking lot below the Arc de Triomphe-inspired memorial that sees the most action. One hot summer afternoon, a Department of Burnt Ends representative paid a visit to the arch for touristy reasons and spotted a couple who were clearly in a postcoital state. They were in a beat-up SUV with rolled-down windows. The woman popped up from the nearly horizontal passenger seat while the guy hobbled off, shirtless, into the nearby wooded area. Rating: Four Liberty Memorials

3. Waterworks Park

3500 North Oak Trafficway

Frisky Northlanders are drawn to this hilly, wooded area, which offers a spectacular view of downtown KC and bouncing cars galore. The view of the city from the 14th hole of the disc golf course is especially fantastic. (Heh, heh. Hole.) Rating: Three Liberty Memorials

4. Thomas Swope Memorial

6900 Swope Memorial Drive

Though it's a bit sacrilegious to canoodle at a grave site, the Swope Memorial — with its columned, Grecian-style temple wall and sweeping view of the hilly park — makes you forget that Col. Thomas Swope is actually buried there. Located just off the parking lot of the Swope Memorial Golf Course, this secluded glade puts the fore! in foreplay. Two sets of terraces lead down to a gently tinkling fountain; behind that is a breathtaking view that includes Starlight Theatre and the KC Zoo. Just keep an eye out for visiting day-camp groups and the occasional random golfer. Rating: One Liberty Memorial

5. Antioch Park

6501 Antioch, Merriam

Larry Craig-style bathroom sex is purportedly on tap at this Merriam park, according to one local news station, which broadcast an undercover sting last fall. At least these stall-knockers have stayed away from the park's real gem: the Old West village, which is best-suited for some make-out action, along with some discreet Wild West role-play fun. Rating: Two Liberty Memorials