Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Bush's (Doctored) Outtakes

Posted By on Wed, Aug 22, 2007 at 5:36 PM

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Our esteemed president came to town today to make a speech before a group of conventioning VFW members. Bush made a speech about war and perseverance and how if we don't follow his vision, the Middle East will collapse like the Texas Rangers back when he owned the team.

Well, we procured an audio version of his talk and had a bit of fun with it. Here's our version of Bush's outtakes:

Funk: Mortgage Debt No Sweat

Posted By on Wed, Aug 22, 2007 at 11:38 AM

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Frequent refinancing has put Kansas City Mayor Mark Funkhouser in a position where he appears to owe more money on his house than it is worth.

In an interview this morning, Funkhouser says that he’s been smart with his personal finances. The debt on the home he and his wife purchased in 1994 is not cause for alarm, he says. “As long I’m making the mortgage payments, you know. I don’t intend to sell it, so I don’t care,” he says.

As was first revealed this week on the blog Tony's Kansas City, Jackson County records indicate that Funkhouser and his wife, Gloria Squitiro, have refinanced their home near Brookside Boulevard on at least a dozen different occasions. The most recent refinancing took place in 2005, when the couple borrowed $445,000 against the home. The county appraiser says the house is worth $293,760.

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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Jazz Fan Writes Open Letter to Jazz Museum

Posted By on Tue, Aug 21, 2007 at 2:52 PM

Bill over at the new local jazz blog Plastic Sax has written an open letter to the new director of American Jazz Museum. More importantly, the new director of the AMJ should read it. I can't believe they still haven't fixed those damn display cases!

I think Bill's onto something with that Sax Hero idea, but, at the same time, it is a little crazy. But why not? Sky's the limit. It's the American Jazz Museum. The museum of American jazz. Shouldn't there be interactive exhibits and stuff? Shouldn't there be things for kids to play with? Shouldn't there be drugs available for you to take that will make you feel like you can play the drums really crazy and good like Gene Krupa, and then a Drugged-Up Drum Hero game for you to play -- maybe like in a secret back room of the museum?

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Hell, maybe that's exactly what museum administration does all day. No, I'm not alleging anything -- except that if they do take drugs and play drums all day, then I want to work there.

I've just been out in the heat a couple hours and need to lie down.

Speaking of which, it is still awfully hot outside. But listen up, kids. Don't you go and put a frozen chicken in your shirt. Greater men than you have died from that sort of thing. Don't fool around.

King Pink Is Back

Posted By on Tue, Aug 21, 2007 at 1:05 PM

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With running back Larry Johnson finally in training camp, all the talk today will be about what it means for the Chiefs. Well, we think it's time to remember a couple of L.J.'s famous moments.

First, here's a link to a Pitch cover story from September 2005, when he took our scribe along for a night of clubbing. The piece is memorable if only for this quote from Johnson: "He's mad because I'm fucking his bitch."

Second, there's this Halloween '06 press conference, below, in which Larry pulls off a fine impression of Chiefs coach Herm Edwards. Here's hoping that, for his next act, he shows what it's like to get $45 million out of Carl Peterson.

-- Eric Barton

Oh, God, Please Help Me

Posted By on Tue, Aug 21, 2007 at 10:20 AM

Editor’s Note: Kansas City Star columnist Jeneé Osterheldt recently regaled us with tales of her birthday neuroses in this column. We offer this rewrite of her piece in an effort to explain what’s between the lines of Jeneé.

He said the word birthday, and tears flooded my eyes.

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My mailman just wanted to know how I would be celebrating my 28th. And whether I was expecting anything heavy. Harmless questions, sure. But for some reason, visions of what my life should have been (according to Sex and the City), would have been (if I knew how to write) and could have been (what's the difference between "would have been" and "could have been"?) clouded my mind.

What about the husband, the kids, the life back on the East Coast? That's what I had planned for myself years ago, at a My Little Pony party. It was just weeks before my 28th birthday, and I was slipping into a depression - obsessing over what to say just one year after writing about my last birthday, which I spent rubbing an old Salt N Pepa CD while watching Lifetime.

By the way, I'm totally 28.

Everyone who would answer my pleading text messages told me to grow up.

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Monday, August 20, 2007

The Best Local Clothing Designer You Haven't Heard Of

Posted By on Mon, Aug 20, 2007 at 5:34 PM

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One of the high points of last weekend’s Ethnic Enrichment Festival at Swope Park was a dazzling fashion show featuring the couture creations of young Vietnamese-American designer Nhut Trang. His name may be a lot more difficult to pronounce than, say, Mark Jacobs or Alexander McQueen, but the Ho Chi Minh City native, who immigrated to the United States in 1992, has the same passion for creating beautiful clothes.

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Tales from the Tails on the Trails

Posted By on Mon, Aug 20, 2007 at 2:31 PM

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Events like last Saturday’s Tails on the Trails pet festival in Lenexa are supposed to be fun for pets and their owners. That is, assuming you don’t have an overly timid or aggressive animal. Neither of those takes well to crowds.

I showed up with one of each in tow – Georgie, a shy, little Chihuahua I was dog sitting, and Scooby, my crotchety, middle-aged miniature pinscher. Scooby started voicing his opposition to the event as soon as we crossed the little cement walkway that leads into the park behind Ad Astra Swimming Pool. Mild-mannered basset hounds winced at his shrill yaps, probably wondering what the heck he was complaining for. A few more steps and he’d have access to free biscuits aplenty and infinite butts to sniff.

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Monday Music Junkie: New Pornographers, Cake, Foo, Brian Wilson & More

Posted By on Mon, Aug 20, 2007 at 2:25 PM

Download column author Andy Vihstadt trolls the Internet for new music like a junkie with a $200-a-day habit, so we figured since he's doing it anyway, we'll try and convince him to share his findings. He agreed. The man's a true public servant. Enjoy.

Porn Challenge

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Canada’s answer to the supergroup returns on Tuesday with Challengers, marking the fourth notch on the New Pornographers’ collective bedpost. If you’re a superfan, go here to order "The Executive Edition" which comes as a box set, including three extra discs of bonus material. Or, if you’re a cheapskate, head over to Chromewaves to download Neko Case doing Stevie Nicks.

Shame on you. Alright, here's the link.

The New Pornograhers -- “Dreams (live Fleetwood Mac cover)

Smells Like Cake

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Scratch 'n sniff technology is grossly underused these days, so kudos to Cake for incorporating it into its limited-edition pressings of B-Sides and Rarities. Due in October and available in five scents (none of which will actually resemble cake), the compilation will deliver covers of songs by Barry White, Kenny Rogers and Black Sabbath.

Cake -- “War Pigs

Fix continues after the jump.

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