Thursday, July 31, 2008

Daily Briefs in Brief: Brad Hugs Twins to His Bare Chest

Posted By on Thu, Jul 31, 2008 at 12:27 PM

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I've had a busy morning, but the grossest headline I've read today is Brad Hugs Twins to His Bare Chest, from the Not-Kansas-City Star. I'm not 100 percent sure whether they're going for swoony romance novel imagery, or if they're implying that Brad Pitt is feeding all his breast milk to his new babies, but either way, GROSS. Below the jump, a creative project I've been working on, and some unfair stereotypes about seersucker-clad Southern political bosses. Click here or on the only Pulitzer-winning news journal available in the check-out lane at Green Apple Market.

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Collaboration:

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The Kansas City Star reports that Ruth Bates is pursuing a settlement with the city over her discrimination lawsuit. Check out this story written by supergroup DeAnn Smith, Dan Margolies and Lynn Horsley — it's totally made me question my single-handed, lone-wolf Lorenzo Lamas-in-Renegade approach to Daily Briefs. I wouldn't mind sharing the byline and doing way less work, and I could actually use a spotter to help me max out with the biceps curls I do with my Richard Simmons hand weights while one-handed typing this every morning.

This would also potentially free up my schedule to work on other creative projects, like my collectible trading card game. It's loosely based on a collectible trading card game called Boy Crazy! in that I appropriated their logo and core concept. Boy Crazy! is a collectible card game for girls, featuring customizable sets of trading cards of hot young guys. Mine is similar, except that instead of clean, airbrushed photos of preteen male models, my customizable set of trading cards is 100 percent derived from public-domain mugshots from the Missouri sex offender registry. For obvious reasons, I've also called my game Boy Crazy!! The extra exclamation point is for extra immunity from copyright infringement litigation.

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Boy I tell you, the day they passed out good luck, Bo and Luke must have been out fishing. Texas Oilman T. Boone Pickens has an alternative energy plan involving wind power and natural gas, and a name that sounds like a seersucker-clad Texarkana political boss whose business ventures include smuggling truckloads of Coors across the Georgia state line. I'm not saying T. Boone Pickens has a four-foot tall son who dresses exactly like him and pays off corrupt po-lice with cash from his moonshining and counterfeiting businesses; alls I'm saying is, T. Boone Pickens, you guys. He wants to erect wind turbines in the Midwest to replace the 22 percent of electricity currently generated with natural gas. How this integrates with what I assume are ventures in bilking "widders" out of their mortgages, dishonest traffic-ticketing schemes and the political machine he runs from the back office of a shady road-house, I have no idea. I'm sure there's lots of "synergy," though.

Join the Daily Briefs Facebook page. BIG FACEBOOK CONTEST: The tenth person to message me through Facebook with the subject line "BRAD HUGS TWINS TO HIS BARE CHEST" wins a personally signed photo of Academy Award-winning Ralph Fiennes with a special message from him to you. THIS CONTEST IS VERY REAL.

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