Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Daily Briefs: My Pretty Princess Hate Diary

Posted By on Tue, Aug 5, 2008 at 9:57 AM

By CHRIS PACKHAM

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It's primary election day! So it's important to get out and vote against your own best interests at the high school or retirement community of your choice. Seriously: If the City Council passed a ballot measure proposing that all Kansas Citians be doused with gasoline and set on fire, I honestly believe a slim majority of you people would check off "YES" and walk out with a self-satisfied little smile and an "I VOTED" sticker. Since it's early in the morning as I type this one-handed, squeeze a Gripmaster hand exerciser and drink a protein shake through a straw, there's nothing much to report yet. After the jump, some stuff about the Washington press establishment that I wrote in my "HATE" journal. Click here or on the Disney Princess diary where I write about all my hate:

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Local boy hassles old man: So, Howard Kurtz at The Washington Post wrote a lengthy article about Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain icing out the traveling press in favor of local reporters. Which is weird, because McCain's career (since the Keating 5 corruption scandal in 1989, HAHA) is characterized by the tight coalition of national reporters' lips and the cratered surface of John McCain's ass. Viz: the Tourette's-like inability of anyone in the Washington press establishment to type the word McCain without spasming out the word maverick. The embarrassingly reverential fawning over war-hero straight-talker McCain has resulted in a general tendency to overlook gaffes and stumbles that no other candidate could possibly get away with. Like, for example, repeatedly referencing countries that no longer exist. I'm sure McCain recalls taking a chariot ride to Constantinople as a teenager, but it doesn't enjoy an international partnership with the United States.

Now the national reporters have been shoved aside, and they're unhappy. This is an indisputably good thing — those people are degenerates. Seriously, I hate the Iraq-debacle-enabling Washington press corps and their complete and total inability to deviate from an established narrative. They are literally the worst, and by "literally," I mean "literally literally." Here's the list: All human suffering, fire, Chuck Palahniuk, the Washington press establishment.

In his article, Kurtz, a member of the Washington press establishment, wrote about McCain's visit to Missouri last week, and a certain local honor-roll student and Eagle Scout Earnestness Merit Badge recipient employed by The Kansas City Star is singled out for hassling the old man:

Moments later, though, the Republican candidate seemed to grow annoyed with The Kansas City Star's Steve Kraske, who pressed him on his recent comment that "nothing is off the table" when it comes to strengthening Social Security.

When Kraske said that McCain presumably wasn't ruling out a payroll-tax hike, McCain interrupted: "That's presuming wrong." When the reporter rephrased the question, McCain said: "If you want to keep asking me over and over again, you're welcome to."

WHOOO! KRASKE!!! YOU GO! WHOOO! Etc.

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