Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Daily Briefs: Brobdingnagian Megamayornormous Gimarkumentally Funkmonstrous

Posted By on Tue, May 26, 2009 at 8:54 AM

daily_briefs_banner.jpg

The campaign to recall oversize novelty Mayor Mark Funkhouser turned in 13,000 new signatures to the city clerk yesterday. Apparently, the city clerk has to work on holidays, probably because some bitch supervisor keeps denying her vacation requests. Anyway, those signatures are on top of 7,400 valid signatures turned in earlier this month, so things look statistically grim for Big & Tall embarrassment M. Funkhouser and his magnificent First Lady G. Squitiro. Funkhouser tells KMBC Channel 9 "If anything, I haven't fought hard enough. I haven't been aggressive enough. I'm only going to ramp it up." Pretty tough talk! On the other hand, while he's getting all aggro about the recall, he has managed to build a consensus of people who basically hate his administration. As Tony's Kansas City points out this morning, there weren't a whole lot of groups out there pushing back against the recall effort this time around.

As I learned from Encyclopedia Brown mysteries, one single counter-factual slip-up can mean the difference between a successful triple murder and a long stretch in jail -- or a long stretch in "gaol," as they call it in the cheeky British version of Encyclopedia Brown, "Encyclopædia Browne." That's why it's so important for triple murderers like Bugs Meany to know that the Hindenberg was not full of "explosive helium" and that heavy objects don't fall faster than lighter objects. So when Gloria Squitiro tells The New York Times, wrongly, that her expulsion from City Hall by the city council was because "The establishment saw a formidable team... and they wanted to break it up," the inescapable conclusion is that GLORIA SQUITIRO IS GUILTY OF MURDER! How did Encyclopædia Browne know??? (Turn your monitor upside down for the answer).

˙sʇuıɐldɯoɔ ˙ɔ˙o˙ǝ˙ǝ ɹoɟ ʞsıɹ ʇɐ ʎʇıɔ ǝɥʇ ʇnd sǝnssı loɹʇuoɔ ǝslndɯı ɹǝɥ ǝsnɐɔǝq llɐɥ ʎʇıɔ ɯoɹɟ pǝɹɹɐq sɐʍ oɹıʇınbs ɐıɹolƃ ʇɐɥʇ sʍouʞ ǝuʍoɹq ɐıpǝɐdolɔʎɔuǝ

Comments (4)

Showing 1-4 of 4

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-4 of 4

Add a comment

Most Popular Stories

Slideshows

All contents ©2014 Kansas City Pitch LLC
All rights reserved. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Kansas City Pitch LLC,
except that an individual may download and/or forward articles via email to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.

All contents © 2012 SouthComm, Inc. 210 12th Ave S. Ste. 100, Nashville, TN 37203. (615) 244-7989.
All rights reserved. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of SouthComm, Inc.
except that an individual may download and/or forward articles via email to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Website powered by Foundation