Race judge and boobie magnet Jason Whitlock is calling out Serena Williams for having too much junk in her trunk. The tennis star -- at around 175 pounds with an "oversized back pack" -- just isn't thin enough for The Kansas City Star's walking condominium.
Whitlock fantasizes in his latest Fox Sports column about a leaner and meaner Williams.
At 5-foot-9, 145 pounds, Serena would be unstoppable on the court, on the cover of every magazine still in circulation and downloaded on the Internet three times more often than Anna Kournikova.Just try not to imagine women's-fitness expert Whitlock on the couch grunting along with every Williams forehand.
getting the respect her 11-major-championships résumé demands."
Weight watcher Whitlock also works up an appetite wondering: "Seriously, how else can Serena fill out her size 16 shorts without grazing at her stall between matches?"
That's a little creepy coming from a man who dresses in designer mumus.
Don't get Whitlock wrong. The master of metaphor enjoys "a stuffed onion" but not "an oozing pumpkin." And don't you dare call Whitlock a hypocrite -- he says he's not. "Sports writers are supposed to be plump and lazy. I'm fulfilling my destiny."
Helpful advice for women athletes everywhere, courtesy of a man who hasn't seen his penis in decades.