North Kansas City man John Dixon failed at leading the charge against gay penguin indoctrination in our public schools Monday night.
In a 3-2 decision, the North Kansas City school board denied Dixon's request that the story And Tango Makes Three be removed from circulation at all North Kansas City schools. The book is based on the true story of two male penguins at New York's Central Park Zoo who live together as a couple -- and raise a healthy young chick from an egg -- as a functioning family unit.
Aside from its obvious pro-gay nature, Dixon also believed the book was not age-appropriate for young children and didn't follow the district's policy on human sexuality education. Some board members, like Phil Holloway, saw what was going on and agreed with Dixon. "We are naive if we say this is just a book about penguins, because it's not," Holloway said.
Take a minute to look at these penguins. They can't fly. They're abnormally sized. Don't they look just a bit (ahem) queer for birds? Notice the evening-wear look, just a bit sleek and fashionable? Now read your Bible. Go ahead, we'll wait a second. Did you see any mention of penguins? No. And we all know what that means. Penguins are not natural animals. They were genetically engineered by the Obama administration and retroactively inserted into our memories via H1N1 vaccines in a sinister attempt to make our children in gay birds.
Don't laugh. This is just the next step in a long line of man-made cute animals meant to pervert us all with the homo-beast agenda. Do some research people! Deers, whales, porcupines, they all masturbate! Hummingbirds prostitute themselves for food! You think that's normal behavior? Do you think that's just nature taking it's course? WAKE UP!
You know who was working on a masturbating whale robot right before the Allies won the war? That's right, Hitler. And thank God we stopped him or masturbating whales would've overrun our shores and cities. Our national flag would've be a humpback rubbing himself against the Chrysler Building.
If anything, we need to move beyond just banning books and start putting these liberal-agenda-promoting commie authors in Gitmo. Shel Silverstein wrote a beloved children's story about getting a penetrating object inserted into you. No one seems to notice. Clifford is, at heart, a big red throbbing head that grows and grows and slobbers. Peppermint Patty's overt lesbian tendencies have been so well-documented it's a cliche.
God be with you this Christmas, John Dixon.