Friday, December 10, 2010

Endangered Species Condoms: So they can keep doing it on the Discovery Channel

Posted By on Fri, Dec 10, 2010 at 1:21 PM

click to enlarge Take this kitty to bed with you for the planet.
  • Take this kitty to bed with you for the planet.

Warning: Besides the Bloodhound Gang earworm that will invade your brain upon reading, this post has next to nothing to do with music. Except maybe that sex and music are inherently intertwined, and the rock scene is one big, constant orgy for which one should always pack protection.

Anyone can stock a purse, wallet or back pocket with a trusty Trojan or Durex product. But there's no need to whip one of those out until the moment it's needed. Whereas, an Endangered Species Condom, with its clever, environmentally-conscious packaging, is a conversation piece worth showing off early in the evening.

Pull out a jaguar condom to wow a whole crowd, and you'll subtly indicate to potential partners that 1) you're a North American equivalent to a tiger in the bedroom and 2) that you are caring -- your concern for the environment suggests a sensitivity to needs beyond yourself, a fabulous trait in a lover.

Pulling out a polar bear condom says pretty much the same thing. And the spotted owl, another featured creature, evokes adequate badassery. However, brandishing a rubber wrapped in an image of a Puerto Rican Rock Frog or the teensy Snail Darter fish might generate a bad joke in mixed company. Breaking out an American Burying Beetle for your tweedle could go either way.

There's no need to be frigid with this guy around.
  • There's no need to be frigid with this guy around.

He's got the right idea...
  • He's got the right idea...

So, do you want it slow and snail-like or fast and darty?
  • So, do you want it slow and snail-like or fast and darty?

A product of the Center for Biological Diversity, the condoms come in six packages, each bearing a rhyme (i.e. "Use a stopper...save the hopper!") and an illustration by artist Lori Lieber. The promotion is meant to remind the randy to be responsible for themselves and the planet. According to the Center for Biological Diversity, human overpopulation is the "driving force behind the current

mass-extinction crisis." (That's right, every time you reproduce, a baby seal dies!)

Sadly, Endangered Species Condoms aren't as widely available as their boring name brand counterparts. But members of the Thomas Hart Benton Group of the Sierra Club will hand out Endangered Species Condoms starting at 6 p.m. in Westport on one of humanity's most fertile nights, New Year's Eve.

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