Monday, January 3, 2011

A solemn farewell to Cynthia Davis: Legislator, Mother, Expert SexHaver

Posted By on Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 3:30 PM

click to enlarge The Pitch salutes as the O'Fallon Loon, Cynthia Davis, takes wing.
  • The Pitch salutes as the O'Fallon Loon, Cynthia Davis, takes wing.

Most reigns, thank God, must come to an end. But as Rep. Cynthia Davis descends into nothinghood after her unsuccessful battle with Senate incumbent Scott Rupp, the moment doesn't come without causing us a tiny twinge of despair.

We'll miss chronicling her bootylicious pat downs, her hot sex tips, her affinity for chickens en masse, and her saucy predilection for mixing guns and church.

Thursday, we found out the feeling is mutual.

The Turner Report has the full transcript of her weekly Capitol Report, the last of its ilk. Allow us to trim the fat for you.

In an unprecedented move, Davis tips her hat to us -- assuming we're part of the "left wing bloggers" who "shame and humiliate those who speak up for common sense America." Of course, it doesn't get more common-sense America than Davis, and it's so obvious she likes the attention. She gripes about how unpleasant it is to read about herself in the "socialist" blogs. But

what New Yorker would know her name without them?

It meant national attention -- far more than most of my colleagues -- even those in leadership positions. Those who live in my district may not realize that people in Kansas City, Springfield, Joplin, Columbia, New York, California, and those who watch MSNBC and Steven Colbert may know more about me than you do... People in other states would write me who read about what I am saying and accomplishing in Missouri.
Davis' retrospective of her work is a bit different from the way we see it -- she counts herself as an ally of women and families (only penis-to-vagina families, obviously) -- but at least we can agree on one thing:
I know that Missouri is in better shape because I was in the Capitol for eight years.
Missouri's fat youth got whipped right into shape when Davis suggested they view starvation as a "positive motivator" and stop wasting "hard earned dollars on potato chips, ice cream, or Twinkies."

This, we know, is her hard-fought legacy. But chillingly, Davis portends, "There is nothing I did that cannot be undone by others who come behind me."

Her final words as representative and raconteur noted that "several of my constituents" have said they'll miss her in the Senate.

Different reasons, same sentiment. Farewell, O'Fallon Loon.

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