Now while I neither want to lampoon the seriousness of a storm or such a respectable metric, the idea of using a restaurant chain to gauge things is inspiring. As a result, I've put together a list of how Denny's can predict exactly the kind of night you're having.
The Denny's Scale
Category 1: Coffee and breakfast at an appropriate hour. You're about as close to fine as you're going to get after eating a meal at Denny's.
Category 2: You're elbows-deep in a fried cheese melt. It's four mozzarella sticks inside a grilled-cheese sandwich. You're starting to lose your center here.
Category 3: You're demanding a bacon sundae despite the inglorious ending to the Baconalia promotion this summer. You're searching for a connection with your late-night meal, repeating the same mistakes that keep bringing you back to Denny's. You probably should have left the bar at midnight, but as long as you're going home after Denny's, you should make it through the rest of the night.
Category 4: You spent the previous two hours dreaming (out loud) about the $4 all-you-can-eat pancakes. You've spent the last hour discovering exactly how many pancakes you can eat. You're not getting off the couch for at least a day, and you don't want to see the pictures on Facebook.
Category 5: You're on a date with Big Daddy — the anchor of the Get Cheesy menu — struggling to get through 1,690 calories and 99 grams of fat from a beef patty topped with mac and cheese, melted cheddar cheese and zesty Frisco sauce on grilled potato bread. Everyone has one of these nights in their lives, the kind that is referenced at bachelor parties and as cautionary tales to teenage children. Sadly, this is yours.