By OWEN MORRIS
Man, if I only had a nickel for every Zima I've downed, I'd have 15 cents. That's right, I've managed to choke down smoothly enjoy three ice-cold, refreshing Zimas. The last one was right before entering a high school dance. (Note to high school males reading this: Nothing says "manliness" to your date like chugging a Zima too quickly and then throwing half of it back up in your mouth.)
It looks like those memories will have to tide me over the rest of my life, because Zima is soon to be no mas.
Miller -- Zima's brewer -- stopped production of the drink last Friday and today announced it's officially being discontinued. Miller anticipates it will be able to fill orders with backstock until December and after that, no more Zima Time.
It seems that in recent years, Zima has lost its spot as the top "chick beer" to alcohopops like Mike's Hard Lemonade and Bud Light Lime, which has less to do with how Zima tastes than with its marketing strategy for much of '90s. While most alcohopops embrace their slightly fruitier side, Zima seemed ashamed of it. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during Zima's marketing meetings.
Researcher: ...So our study clearly shows that women, mostly younger and light drinkers, are 95 percent more likely to drink Zima than men and are 80 percent more likely to switch over from their current drink to Zima than men.Zima Advertising Exec: Hmmm .... So what you're saying is that most men will never ever pick up a six-pack of Zima to take to a friend's house.
Researcher: According to our data, we estimate only 2 percent of males will even slightly consider it.
Zima Advertising Exec: Perfect! Let's target that 2 percent.
Researcher: But what about the large segment of females tha....
Zima Advertising Exec: I got it! We'll show manly males playing sports together or some crap and then drinking this clear Sprite-flavored malt beverage that even sophomores in high school feel embarrassed drinking!
Only boneheaded, fundamental misunderstandings of what you're selling and who you're selling it to can explain ads like this one below:
Zima's slogan was "Zomething Different," as in an alternative to beer. Like in this related ad, which says that the drink to make your next barbecue more memorable is none other than Zima. (True, only serving Zima and then pouring it on the meat like they do in this commercial will probably make your barbecue very memorable but not in the way you'd like.
In the past few years (say, six) I haven't seen many Zima ads or thought much about it, except when I was trying to get a pony keg of it as a joke for my college graduation party. If it's been at my liquor store this whole time I've stopped noticing it. And as Zima floundered to find a strategy and an audience, other people must have stopped noticing too.
Let's all put a Jolly Rancher into our beers for old times sake.
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