First off, let me just apologize to my mother for the cookbook I'm about to write about. For her, blogging equals Internet and Internet equals porn, therefore blogging equals porn. I try to keep the adult material and blogging about food separate, but no such luck today. Not when a cookbook like Natural Harvest comes along, with its unsubtle subtitle: "A collection of semen based recipes."
Just in time for Christmas shopping, it's the first (and to my knowledge only) cookbook dealing with the subject of male discharges in edible, recipe form.
After the jump, a recipe and a picture of one such dish.
Starting off the book is the classic "Almost White Russian," which is two
ounces vodka, one ounce coffee liquor, a dash of cream and a half-ounce of semen. Yes, people who make this recipe must go through
the trouble of measuring out a half-ounce of semen.
The author of Natural Harvest is Paul Photenhauer, who insists he's "not some sort of whacky freak. I'm just
passionate about everything I do, including cooking with cum." Fortunately, this is Photenhauer's only book to date about his passions.
Another money quote from Photenhauer: "Like all
other foods, the tastes and aromas of semen open up and are better
appreciated when you are able to compare and discuss the different
tastes with other connoisseurs."
If you have trouble creating your own ingredient for these recipes, rest assured, Prairie State Semen will mail-order you (no joke) enough to make an entire party.
Natural Harvest retails for $25 new and I strongly suggest not buying used copies.
-- Owen Morris
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To succeed in the target, your sperm need to move. Riding the semen wave will only take the sperm therefore far. To achieve the egg, sperm have to move on their own � wriggling and swimming the previous few inches to achieve and penetrate the egg. Sperm movement (motility) is an important characteristic of healthy sperm. You're presumably to be fertile if at least half of your sperm are moving.
I don't understand how this guy can look his parents in the face after creating such a gross book. Perhaps you can oder bull semen in bulk at a local farm? Will we see recipes mass produced? So is all semen delectable or does it have to be human? Is semen readily available at the local sperm bank? Can you purchase it without hassel? Or would it be easiest to have about 20 of my guy friends come over and make a donation into a big bucket? At what age did Fotie discover this secret treasure? Are any of these recipes handed down from Great Grampa? I see this book to be usefull and economical for feeding the homeless, readily available, we just need donors!
I'm glad you deemed this "The seediest cookbook I've come across," rather than "The seediest cookbook EVER," which very fairly leaves room for a grosser cookbook to exist out there somewhere, waiting for our discovery.
"Cooking with smegma." Get on it, Paul.
Oddly enough, Paul Photenhauer Sr. is the inventor of the glazed doughnut. His bakery chain was short lived, however, which was most likely due to its name -- Dunkin' Deeznuts.
How does semen connoisseurship work? Do you get together and discuss the semen of various donors from various vintage? "Hmmm, this one tastes like an '07 Harvey, maybe an '06 Ralph..."
I am going to type 'bacon' in the box below and stop thinking about this now.
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