Friday, March 13, 2009

Sweet lord! Literally.

Posted by Owen Morris on Fri, Mar 13, 2009 at 10:30 AM

jesustoastmarshallastor_thumb_225x223.jpg
Flickr: Marshall Astor
Two days ago, our lovely sister Plog posted a video of all the places Jesus has been seen. From T-shirts to urine stains, the dude gets around to some wacky places. But he seems to have a special affinity for food.

That's why we love this list of the top 10 foods in which Jesus has appeared. It helps you know where to be on the lookout -- in the foam of a latte, for example, or the stains on the side of a mug runneth over. That's not a coincidence, that's a clear sign from Psalm 23:5.

Later in the day, Jesus trades in the mug for a pint glass, where he also shows up in the foam and then in the gold wrapping of a bottle of Bulmer's hard cider. Jesus has good taste -- Bulmer's is the best Irish cider there is but is sadly not sold in the Midwest.

It's not just the Lord who shows up in food. Mother Teresa appeared on a cinnamon roll in Tennessee. This was truly miraculous, because she was still alive. Never one to recognize a miracle though, Mother Teresa sued the coffee store to stop selling "Nun Bun" items. Depending on your point of view, a do-gooder or an evil doer later stole the nun bun.

The most famous sacred-image-on-food is the Virgin Mary grilled cheese, which is inexcusably not on the above list. The decade-old grilled cheese fetched nearly $30,000 at auction. Shortly after, not one to shy away from a competitor, Allah put his name on the side of a fish. Then on the side of a tomato. I don't want to offend the Muslim boy who found the figure, but the bearded guy on the tomato looks more like Jesus to me.

Many religious scholars say these examples are false idols and don't work miracles. That's nonsense. Each of these examples has lavished on its owners the holy grail of media attention.

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Once again, the story of the NunBun gets screwed up in the re-telling.

First, Mother Teresa never sued anybody. Her attorney wrote us a letter which basically was full of legal nonsense: He tried to tell us we couldn't do anything with the bun because it was her image. Thus, she was claiming a cinnamon bun really was her image. Hmmm. We only claimed it sorta looked like her. (Yes, I paid a $200/hour attorney to explain the difference to me.)

Second, Mother Teresa actually laughed about the NunBun. True, she didn't want her image used to make money. But she thought the idea that her image was found in a cinnamon bun to be quite funny.

Third, the week she died she made a joke about the bun. Her attorney was going over big issues with her because they knew the end was near. He presented her with the legal compromise he and I agreed to: we'd stop calling it the "Mother Teresa Miracle Bun" and the "Immaculate Confection" and refer to it as the NunBun. We'd also only sell about $50,000 worth of merchandise per year with the NunBun image on it (in reality we sell about $500 per year).

Fourth, how can anyone possibly consider someone who breaks into a cafe at night and steals something that made thousands of people laugh, hundreds wonder and a few break-down in religious awe, a "do-gooder"?

Sincerely,
Bob Bernstein
Owner- Bongo Java
Nashville, TN

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Posted by Bongo Bob on March 15, 2009 at 8:08 PM
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