If the beautiful dance of bartending peaked for you in the 1980s, then I salute you as you read this in your sportcoat and T-shirt while your dog, Spuds McKenzie, snoozes at your feet. I suspect however, that you have still have dial-up Internet, so I'll waste no more time offering a toast to your obstinacy. However, for the rest of the beer-swilling world who realized that life does go on after Cocktail: The Movie left the theaters, it's time to shout last call on some of the trends from that decade.
The Atlantic believes there are five holdouts from the '80s that need to be 86'd: the liberal application of the term martini; blue-flavored drinks; flair bartending; crude names for shots; and the Long Island Iced Tea.
Astute readers have already pointed to the Martini craze and blue-washing of drinks probably being more associated with the '90s. And flair bartending has always been more of a novelty act or tourist attraction than a mainstream epidemic.
Dirty-named shots will never disappear -- provoking
nervous laughter or promoting embarrassment while ordering drinks is intrinsically tied to
drinking in bars. As for the Long Island Iced Tea -- it remains a
potent friend or nemesis, depending on whom you ask. Everybody needs a
drink without class, the LIIT is not a bad option.
Rather than focusing on bartenders, it might have been a better idea to take aim at drinks of the 1980s -- beginning with Tab and vodka. The omnipresent soda drink of the '80s has morphed into an energy drink
that's being combined with vodka to make a nasty Red-Bullian cocktail.
Or even wine coolers, those sad ancestors of hard lemonade and
alcoholic iced teas. It's a depressing day when one of these is the only thing
in the back of your fridge.
The final item that should be laid to rest
is Champale -- the sparkling malt liquor brand now owned by the Pabst Brewing Company. It's amazing to think somebody green-lit that idea after sparkling and malt liquor were put together.
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