Wednesday, November 11, 2009

An open letter to ketchup lickers

Posted by Jonathan Bender on Wed, Nov 11, 2009 at 10:30 AM

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​To the Gentleman who chose to lick his ketchup packet (and all of his kindred spirits),

I guess in your mind, it was only natural to lick and suck at the tear in the ketchup packet -- your cavernous mouth was already open and it was your teeth that made the initial tear. It certainly seemed like something you had done on a few previous occasions. Perhaps, you were the kid who managed to eat a ketchup packet with each fry, considering the condiment to be a better meal choice than the potato.

But sadly you are a kid no longer. You are a grown man, sitting in the middle of a fast food establishment with a mounting pile of empty ketchup packets on your tray. If there is an opposite of Craigslist's Missed Connections, this is it.

I understand that fast food restaurants will, on occasion, charge for

extra sauce. However, I have yet to see that policy enforced when it

comes to ketchup packets -- which are likely available in a plastic tub

on the condiment stand. Thus, I can't accept that this is an attempt to

tighten your ample belt in tough times. 

And although I

appreciate your desire to be eco-conscious and not let a single red

drop go to waste, I might suggest that rolling and squeezing the packet

would be equally as effective and infinitely more palatable for me. You are also given the tools you need to succeed with every combo meal -- fries or the edge of a hamburger are perfectly acceptable means of divesting the packet of ketchup. 

With the appetites of your fellow diners hanging in the balance, I merely ask for a change of venue. Hit the drive-thru next time and suck down your meal in your car. That's where ketchup lickers belong. 
 
[Image via Flickr: rex roof]

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BRAVO.

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Posted by DLC on November 12, 2009 at 9:09 AM
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