The sun is shining and diners are enjoying the chance to eat outdoors. But at restaurants across the city, servers are forced to shoo away people who are not dining out.
Today, one server gets a chance to take aim at people who see restaurant patios as public spaces. It'll be anonymous, because these types of rants are often followed by a manager explaining that the server's last paycheck will be
mailed home. Below are situations our server has encountered, the excuses he hears ad nauseam and the responses he'd love to give.
But I'm just waiting for the rest of my party... Then go in and talk to the hostess like you would at any other restaurant. I don't need to enjoy your half of a cell phone conversation as I attempt to recite the daily specials.
We're just snapping a quick picture.... You're not Ansel Adams and this is not a national park. Save the cheesecake photos for at home, so my guests don't have to struggle to keep down their meal while watching your attempts to look sexy.
But there are open seats... Yes, those seats are open. And they'll be kept open for paying customers. Because the restaurant pays a little thing called rent and I need a little something called tips. You know how we get those things? That's right -- paying customers.
I'm just trying to make a living too... You're a fine entertainer, but allow me to inject a bit of common sense into this discussion, Mr. Busker. You're juggling freaking knives a few feet from my guests. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that you drop one. It happens to land on little Billy. Who do you think is getting sued? You, of the patchwork pants and poorly painted van, or the corporate entity that employs me? Leave the flying knives to a teppanyaki restaurant. Move along, clown.
We're just resting here for a minute... I would also like to rest but I can't take a break because we're currently talking. All my tables are good for the moment. However, instead of scarfing down a few bites of a mistake order in back, I get the pleasure of your company. Try Brookstone -- their seats vibrate and are properly proportioned for someone not used to walking so much.
I pay taxes... I'm glad you're a good citizen. I also pay taxes on some of my tips. Get your ass out of the seat and find a local chapter of Drinking Liberally. They will actually care about whatever you intend to say next.