|The problem is not you, honey, it's me....|
But the Piccadilly Cafeteria closed earlier this year, so if one absolutely insists on breaking up in a public venue -- some people prefer having witnesses around -- here are five suggestions for ideal locations for that awkward, emotionally draining conversation.
5) Mugs Up Root Beer Drive-In. The positives include: no sharp utensils, you eat in the privacy of your own car, and the sandwiches are soft, in case something gets thrown. Warning: the heavy glass root beer mugs are a potential dangerous weapon.
4) Samurai Chef. Go ahead and yell at each other; the other people sitting around the teppan-yaki grill will just assume the testy discussion is just part of the show.
3) The Golden Corral Buffet & Grill. The customers here only care about filling up a plate. They don't care about you, your soon-to-be-ex, or your stupid love life.
2) Town Topic. The oldest of the three iconic diners, the one at 2021 Broadway, is open 24 hours. Schedule the break-up date for 5 a.m. You'll both be so tired that neither of you will care about breaking up as long as you can finish your eggs and get home before dawn.
1) Horizon's Buffet at the Ameristar Casino. It's a big room, it's noisy and the sound of the clanging slot machines across the way drown out any potential screaming and wailing.
(Image via Flickr: Ed Yourdon)