Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The top five gay foods

Posted By on Wed, Jun 30, 2010 at 12:30 PM

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The banana: under protest from the Westboro Baptist Church.
Warning: The consumption of these five foods is not guaranteed to turn a heterosexual into a homosexual. Unlike, of course, those other cultural phenomena known to do just that, like listening to Barbra Streisand albums, watching a Will & Grace marathon, attending Gay Pride festivals (and sporting a tasteful rainbow flag pin) or unwittingly signing up for The Homosexual Agenda.

But what makes these foods gay?

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Heat up that Dick!
5. Spotted Dick. This popular British dessert -- a sponge cake with raisins or currants -- can be found locally as a canned product in stores selling imported gourmet foods. It never really caught on in the States, possibly because it sounds like a scary disease requiring heavy doses of penicillin. But British gays go gaga over hot, steamed Dick.

4. Toad in the Hole. Another British culinary innovation, this time a savory concoction of sausages in Yorkshire pudding batter. In gay culture, this dish is also known as "Hide the Sausage" or "Big Dick Casserole." A longtime brunch favorite.

3. Sugar Daddy. This chewy caramel candy on a stick was originally called the Sugar Papa in 1925, when the James O. Welch company introduced it; the name was changed to Sugar Daddy seven years later. But it wasn't until the sexual revolution of the 1960s that gay baby boomers began chanting the goofy jingle from the TV commercial: "Sugar Daddy is the longest lick on a stick" -- which had, of course, nothing to do with licking candy. Then again, maybe it did.

2. Meatball grinder. It's not just a sandwich -- it's a documented sexual act! And here's a recipe for a meatball grinder "with yummy sauce." You can't make this stuff up.

1. Beef jerky. No, it only sounds like a gay porn film title.

 

(Image via Flickr: Telstar Logistic)

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