The worst (or perhaps most inexperienced) waiters seem to lack those powers of observation or ability to match the ebb and flow of conversation at a table, which leads to them hovering or interrupting at just the wrong moment. As a result, here are a few tips for servers when they might want to give a table a minute.
If all eyes are on one diner, said diner is likely in the middle of a particularly compelling or funny story and should be allowed to finish.
If two diners appear to be on a date and both of them are looking at the tables around them silently, interrupt often and at your pleasure. Maybe even bring them a free drink.
If wineglasses are empty, feel free to ask if someone would like their glass refilled. Otherwise, we've got it covered, as author Christopher Hitchens explained in a scathing essay back in 2008.
If I make eye contact, I need you. Like in basketball, please keep your head up as you walk the floor, so that I have the opportunity to catch your eye.
What other advice would you give to servers with regard to approaching your table?
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If I pay with cash, DO NOT as me if I need change. That's begging for a tip. Do not beg, as it will lower the amount that I tip you, quite drastically.
I don't like it when servers pour any alcohol for me, including beer. It's part of the drinking ritual that I enjoy.
I can't say anything about wine but more than once I had to defend my coffee from being refilled, so I don't have to add sugar/cream to it all over again.
If you are a waiter and you sit down at the table/booth to take our order, not only will I fight the urge to slug you, I will prob tip less.
Mina- Like most things as a server, there is no official rule except the one the individual guest believes and therefore thinks everyone prefers. There is no right answer, but I follow the rule laid out by Jonathan and the late Mr Hitchens. If you let your glasses get empty because you are waiting on me to pour, I will. Otherwise, I trust that the guest has better judgement on how to allocate the wine. The one exception to this rule that I make is right before I deliver entrees. If the bottle and several glasses are nearly empty, I will pour off the bottle and offer another. This way while I am fetching the entrees the manager can be fetching another bottle. This prevents a delay once the food arrives and everyone reaches to pour themselves another glass from the empty bottle.
I don't know about how I feel on the issue of to fill (wine) or to not fill. I read Hitchens' article and I can't say I agree, nor do I wholly disagree.
I was a server at a couple fine dining establishments back in my serving days and I always filled wine glasses without request. I was always under the impression that (just like with water and silverware) things just needed to be filled/replaced without the guest realizing it had been done.
In the same manner, when I'm out to eat at a nice place, I love that the server is "out of sight", but yet my glass of wine stays full. I don't want me or any of my guests to have to lift a finger - or in this case, a bottle. It's all part of the experience of being waited on - short of cutting up my food and feeding it to me. I love the napkin on the lap, the pulling of the chair, the whole nine yards.
Maybe it depends on the clientele, which is why, as a server, I always made it a point to analyze and read my tables the best I could.
Savvy Dave - any thoughts on this?
I do pause if I see you going for the wallet. The trick that most experienced servers use is actually quite simple. The black books that checks are presented in only have writing or logos on one side. This is intentional. The book is left upside down because human nature is to set down a book cover side up. That way I know that when a book has the cover side up it has been looked at and it becomes a top priority to pick it up. It is never a good idea to keep a guest waiting to pay. The whole meal has been focused on the server doing things for the guest. At the point where the server asks for something in return, they should not tarnish everything they have done by making the guest wait.
I hear you Abe.
The instant they lay down the check, I say "Hold on", and whip out my payment.
Even at my regular haunts, they wont wait a cotton picking minute for me to pay.
So Dave, do you hesitate for a second when you lay down the bill, or do you come back a few minutes afterwards to collect?
Nochains & Abe- Often this is not entirely the server's fault (except when chatting with the hostess). Many compamies have mandates that say you are not allowed to bring the check until the table is cleared and dessert has been offered. Many guests also worry that when the server brings the check they are going to disapear.
As a guest, I agree with you entirely. When I put my fork down, I am ready to leave immediately. Half the time I look like I am trying to dine and dash. The easiest way I have found to convey this is to ask for my check when they come back to check on me the first time. This conveys a sense of urgency and covers them for breaking corporate policy.
I would on the flip side remind people that you do need to create a break in conversation to order. I don't know how many times I have let the story and conversation continue only to have the guests upset that they exceeded their lunch hour. Once you have ordered and your food is cooking, chat away. The only two responsibilities you have at a restaurant are to order and pay. As long as you do those two things, the server can (and should) take care of everything else.
Out of curiousity, how do you feel about interupting on the REALLY bad dates? This is always a tough one to handle. When there are tears and sobbing, do I interupt to break the tension or stay away to avoid embarrassment?
Agreed on the bill. Last week a waitress put down the check. I immediately put down my card but she turned around to go chat with a hostess. Then 10 minutes later she returns with a cheerfully insulting "are you ready to pay that?"
If my credit card is out I want to pay, now. Actually, I wanted to pay 5 minutes ago. This is especially true at times like lunch or if I was in for an early dinner. At lunch I want to get back to work and nobody under 50 eats early unless they are on the way somewhere else.
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