There's a fascinating thread on Chowhound about a bartender refusing to alter a jalapeno cocktail for a customer. Although I suspect, as is often the case with tales of service issues, that the interaction was not a simple ask and answer. The question raised is one of the true gray areas in a dining room. At what point on the axis is the customer wrong and the restaurant staff right, and vice versa?
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Asking for a tweak or accommodation is one thing, but asking for a re-working that will substantially change the item or disrupts the kitchen (or bar) is another. Unfortunately, there's no way to say "here is the point where the customer is being unreasonable" because it's going to vary depending on the restaurant, the dish, and the request.
But after reading the thread on Chowhound - in that particular situation, I think the customer was the unreasonable one. If you're ordering a specialty or signature drink from the bar menu, leave the thing alone. If you don't like the ingredients in a particular drink, choose something else, especially when you're dealing with a drink that has multiple ingredients (and sometimes out-of-the-ordinary ingredients, at that). Balancing flavors properly can be a trick, and removing or substituting can change the drink completely - and not necessarily for the better. While it's easy to think "hey, make what the customer wants, and if it sucks, it's on them," but I can just about guarantee that when that customer tells their friends "Hey, I had the blah-blah-blah at that bar, and oh my god, it was the most awful thing I've ever had in my life," they leave out the part about the changes they demanded.
The only thing I ever ask is that the kitchen leave off the most vile of all things: shredded lettuce.
I too get a wee bit picky sometimes, but have always been accomodated when I ask to tweek an item.
Most folks would be surprised at what a restaurant will do for you if you just ask.
I have been in remote locations for extended periods of time, sometimes in locations with limited selection. I have found most places to be very accommodating especially when you have visited the 4 of the last 7 evenings. I have even gone so far in some establishments to just tell the cook to make the best thing he can and ignore the cost. I have always enjoyed those meals.
Because of cholesterol issues I am now frequently requesting tweeks in the menues offering where ever I go. (some might argue that I have always asked for tweeks) Generally, I find a couple of things on the menu that I would like and then request a tweek and if it can not be done, no big deal I go on to my next choice. The chef by all means has rights too!
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