Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Dear Josh Ozersky, KC is ready for Meatopia

Posted by on Tue, Sep 11, 2012 at 9:45 AM

These steaks should be cooked on the shores of KC.
  • Flickr: Kowarski
  • These steaks should be cooked on the shores of KC.
We've been attempting to soften our edges the past few years in Kansas City, peeling away the crackly bark of barbecue to prove that we are not all meat-inhaling machines. But in the wake of this past weekend's Meatopia 2012 — the New York celebration of all things carnivore organized by writer Josh Ozersky [read this description and look at these photos] — I'm inclined to lobby that this carnivore head west for our dry rubbed shores.

And so, here are some facts you may not know about Kansas City, Mr. Ozersky (@ozerskytv), to make you understand why we'd be a perfect place to launch a satellite version of your love letter to meat.

- We hold an annual Bacon-Fest. Here are the pictures. They're porktacular.

- The average Kansas Citian consumes 33.4 pounds of meat per year. This includes children and babies, who are given meat before fruits and vegetables, in order to understand how the food pyramid really works around here.

- When a Kansas Citian gets a cut, barbecue sauce is what we bleed. We don't use Band-Aids. We use barbecue mops.

- A slider in Kansas City is a 1/4-pound burger. An actual slider is an amuse-bouche.

- Other places boast of having Kansas City-style barbecue. We have actual Kansas City barbecue.

- When I purchased my house, my real-estate agent advised me to buy a deep freezer so I could split a side of beef with a friend. I've regretted each day that I didn't take his advice.

- Pigs tell their piglets that if they're bad, they'll end up in Kansas City — the land of great fires and grinning men with tongs.

- Mayor McCheese couldn't get elected in Kansas City. Not because he has a cheeseburger for a head but because that head consists of a single patty. Voters would question his commitment.

These are just a few of the reasons that we're ready. If you need more, allow me to make the case over a plate piled high with pulled pork, tender brisket or the meat of your choosing.

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