Bread is delicious. A perfect slice needs nothing else. No butter. No condiments. No meat. But fast-food joints are not blessed with perfect bread. They are inundated with chewy, listless rolls. Sweet, sugar-enriched white bread that doesn't so much hold the meat in as stick to it with dogged indifference. Nobody goes to McDonald's for the sesame-seed bun.
Which is why fast-food executives can't stop trying to get rid of the bread and simply replace it with more fat or salt. First, McDonald's cranked out pancake breakfast sandwiches with McGriddles. Then, KFC decided to use fried chicken for its bacon-cheese monstrosity, affectionately called the Double Down. Now, Arby's is set to break the Internet with the Bacon Cheddar Potato Cake Melt. We can save time by simply calling it a hash-brown sandwich from here on out. The hash-brown sandwich puts two halves of American cheese and pepper bacon (that sounds familiar) between a pair of hash-brown triangles. And that, America, is breakfast. For now, it's just a test item in Evansville, Indiana. But if given the opportunity, would you buy this sandwich?
It wasn't just one ring to rule them all. It was an onion ring — a fact the Hobbits were soon to discover on their way through the ramparts of Kansas City.
"What about breakfast?" whines Pippin, his foot drumming a beat against the back of the driver's seat.
"You've already had it," Aragorn replies, gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles.
"We've had one, yes. What about second breakfast?" says Pippin.
"Are you all expecting a second breakfast?" Aragorn asks.
Pippin and Frodo shout their acknowledgment while Gimli bangs the handle of his ax against the restraints of his child seat. Aragon sighs and wheels his Datsun into the parking lot of the Denny's on Broadway. Mordor will have to wait.
The spread of custard continues unabated. Freddy's Frozen Custard & Steakburgers is about to significantly increase its presence in the Kansas City area. The Wichita Eaglereports that the location under construction at 11775 S. Black Bob Road in Olathe will open next month, and another restaurant at 107th Street and Roe will be serving burgers in Overland Park by the end of the year.
The Wichita-based chain has 75 restaurants. The first area Freddy's Frozen Custard & Steakburgers opened in Overland Park at 7301 West 135th Street in August 2010. Fat City took a trip and found a modern take on a classic diner, a mash-up of Sheridan's and Winstead's.
Mac Lethal has aimed his latest fast-rapping video straight at the franchise Chick-fil-A. In his latest rhythmic opus on YouTube, he provides his recipe for how to "make your own amazing, 100 % hate free Chick-fil-A sandwich." The secret ingredient in his sandwich? One teaspoon of presidential candidate Rick Santorum's blood. Politics aside, the end result (which is in large part because of brining) looks pretty tasty.
America can now eat lunch like a kid with his jaw wired shut. 7-Eleven is selling mashed potatoes dispensed via a Slurpee-like machine. [h/t Gizmodo]
At the push of two buttons, you can have mashed potatoes covered in chicken gravy (here's video from a 7-Eleven in Singapore of how it works). I'll admit when I first came across this story, I envisioned a window into a swirling white cloud of creamy potatoes. The reality is less appealing — powdered potatoes behind the instructions waiting for hot water to be added to them. It does lend more credence to the idea that 7-Eleven may one day simply feature a wall of foods shot out of a straw to be eaten with a straw or one massive machine that dispenses a three-course meal, from nachos to pudding.
Is this Thanksgiving on demand or simply the evolution of our apparent aversion to chewing?
America just can't stop trying to get the pig and cow into one perfect dish. Denny's thought that they had it with a maple bacon sundae, Jack in the Box was convinced it was a bacon milkshake, and now Burger King is sure its bacon sundae will provide you with your daily dose of mork or pilk.
The newest baconstronsity, vanilla soft serve with fudge, caramel, bacon crumbles and a piece of bacon, is part of a cast of new menu items. It's expected to be available through the end of the summer.
You no longer have to just save up for the ring if you're thinking about getting engaged. Now you can save up for the ring ... and the pizza.
Pizza Hut is offering 10 stupid lucky couples the $10 Big Dinner Box Proposal — a red ruby engagement ring, flowers, videographer, photographer, limo ride, and breadsticks, cinnamon sticks and a one-topping pizza — for the low, low price of $10,010, plus tax. It's a clever promotion for a new product (you've only got five more days to order, and the website suggests that your purchase price will be refunded if the package is not used by March 31), even if it may not be a recipe for lasting love. But people have been making reservations at White Castle on Valentine's Day for the last six years, so what do I know about the love forged over fast food?
Hearts in Kansas City are about to be broken. No, I'm not talking about next Tuesday. I'm talking about right now, when your heart ceases to be able to function properly because you decide that it's going to be pumping pork milk instead of blood. Jack in the Box has a new menu item: the Bacon Shake. And while it's apparently made with Torani bacon-flavored syrup, rather than crunchy griddle bits, I'm still not sure that will make a difference to the atria of your heart. There are four area locations. Let your heart down gently.
We American eaters may be collapsing under the weight of our own appetites, yet up until now, we've been fat but functional. Taco Bell may be ending the gravy times, however, with its foray into breakfast, aka FirstMeal.
Meat Christmas comes early this year. The McRib is at every single McDonald's location until November 14. It's a move that has to be overloading the McRib locator — a search engine designed to help people track down the normally elusive, limited-time offering.
Which out-of-town restaurant would you lobby to bring to KC?
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