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21. Bizarre Injuries
Quinn's martial-arts smackdown isn't the Royals' goofiest mishap. Kevin Appier fell off a porch. Neal Musser broke a pinkie finger on a chair. John Bale hit a hotel door with his pitching hand. (The door scored a TKO, disabling Bale for a full season.) The most bizarre Royals injury? Runelvys Hernandez earned the only recorded disabled-list stint for "weight and stamina issues" — as polite a euphemism for overweight as a sports fan will hear. Having eaten his way out of the majors, he now pitches for the Samsung Lions in South Korea.
20. Former Royal Caught With Pants Down
Jose Lind was a fine defensive player and good-natured in the strange, manic way that sportswriters prefer to call "colorful." After his career, Lind was pulled over by the Florida Highway Patrol and found to be in possession of something he shouldn't have — cocaine — while not possessing something he should have: pants. To the relief of oncoming traffic, the naked-from-the-waist-down Lind was excused from performing a roadside sobriety test. Lind is now said to be clean, sober and clothed.
19. Hal McRae's Tirade
On April 26, 1993, Royals manager Hal McRae lost it. Facing routine questions concerning his strategic decisions during a game that ultimately was lost, McRae overreacted in a filmed clip that lives on in YouTube infamy. The tantrum is unintentionally funny ("Put that in your pipe and smoke it!") and oddly dangerous (he injured a reporter with a thrown tape recorder). Whereas a violent outburst may lead to dismissal and probably litigation in nearly every other vocation, it worked for McRae. The Royals went on to an 82-64 season, making McRae the last Royals manager to leave town with a winning record.
18. Dayton Moore
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. Taking over a team at its nadir, Royals general manager Dayton Moore promised drastic changes in 2006. The Royals haven't improved, despite spending millions of dollars on expensive free agents, such as Jose Guillen. Valuing athletic skills over actual baseball ability, Moore traded three talented middle relievers to obtain the overrated Coco Crisp, Joey Gathright and Mike Jacobs. To replace the relievers, he spent millions more on unproductive free agents Kyle Farnsworth and Juan Cruz.
17. Buddy Bell's Lineup Card
Buddy Bell stoically performed a thankless task during his Royals career, managing a horrific team in a professional manner while facing health and family crises. On July 1, 2005, however, attention to detail was not his strong suit. Bell provided a lineup card that did not match the actual order in which the batters appeared in the game. The result: an automatic out that eliminated one of KC's few hits that day. Bell described the error as "inexcusable and irresponsible." In his defense, if you'd filled out the Royals lineup that year, you'd want to forget it as quickly as possible, too.
16. Stale T-shirts
It's bad enough when the Royals give away replica jerseys celebrating players the team subsequently gives away. Worse is when KC fans wear replica uniforms of players you want to forget — say, Mike Redman, Emil Brown, Jeremy Affeldt or Mike MacDougal. Their fan jerseys serve as ghostly specters of forgotten ineptitude. Here's a proposal: cleansing bonfires, in which the Royals invite fans to rid themselves of the memorabilia and its attendant memories of frustrating players. Fans could give testimonials: "Juan Gonzalez limped down the first-base line. He said he'd be back in a day. We never saw him again."