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He had us at his Twitter handle (poetryduh), but Casey Hannan is more than just another Internet wit. He has published his fiction in several journals, and he has a book — titled Mother Ghost — due out in April. We went to him for proof that nobody answers a bunch of superficial questions better than a writer. He did not disappoint.
Relationship status: Partnered
What's your go-to drink? Water but with bourbon in it.
What's your guiltiest musical pleasure? I don't ever feel guilty enjoying music. I'm only a little embarrassed to enjoy cover versions of songs from Broadway musicals. I'll get a Sondheim song stuck in my head, and then I'll look it up on YouTube and watch every recorded performance I can find, all the way down to the guy dressed in his Sunday best singing "Being Alive" into an echo mic in his disorganized garage.
What's the last thing that made you cry? This section from Tennessee Williams' memoirs where a young Williams is nearing the end of a trans-Atlantic voyage. He's in the ship's bar with a captain and a dance instructor. The captain looks at Williams and says to the dance instructor, "You know his future, don't you?" Williams didn't understand what the captain meant at the time, but he understood it years later, when he first started falling in love with men.
What's on your nightstand? I don't have a nightstand. I have a bedside chair that I fell on and broke the last time I had a seizure three years ago. There's a combination flashlight-radio and books on the chair, always.
What's the coolest thing in your home? One of my friends works in a science and nature store in New York. The coolest thing she's sent me so far is a taxidermy bat I have hung up in a shadow box.
What's your foolproof date restaurant? I'm going to say Taj Palace. We love Indian food, and we love to sit in a booth for far too long, drinking chai and dissecting the performances of great actresses.
What's your workout? I have an old recumbent exercise bike I've been holding onto for a friend. I ride that bike every other day and read or crochet while doing it.
What's the lamest pickup line you've ever heard (or used)? It wasn't even a pickup line — more of a demand — and I hesitate to call it lame, but I got a late-night text once that said, "Come over and do something gross." It eventually worked (alcohol).
What's the best way for someone to hit on you? Direct and intense flattery
Dumped or dumper? Oh, definitely dumped. I never want good things to end.
If you want to impress me, feed me ... Something challenging. I prefer strong flavors and questionable ingredients. My brother-in-law buys these large tubs of pork fu, which is a kind of dried meat floss that melts in the mouth like cotton candy. I can't say I love it, but I respect it.
At what bar or restaurant would you like to have an open tab? I want to say Justus Drugstore, but it's so far away, and I don't have a car. How about Port Fonda? They have great food and drinks and also a bartender I could swear I've seen naked on the Internet.
Have you ever been the other man? Not for long. I ruined it with a poem.
What's your pettiest relationship deal-breaker? Picky fucking eaters
What do you do when you think nobody's looking? Nothing. I will sit there and do absolutely nothing but look out a window.
With whom would you like to play Truth or Dare? Truman Capote for the sharply observed truths, Marlon Brando for the sexual dares, Gertrude Stein for the stunning admissions.
What character flaw do you wish you could fix in yourself? I'm working on being more present in conversation. I write all day and then I don't feel like I have anything important to say out loud, which is probably true, but guess what: No one else has anything important to say out loud, either, but they say it, and that's conversation.
What are you most vain about? The whole damn picture
What physical feature are you a sucker for? The parts exposed in hot weather.
Who's on your crush list? At the top of the list right now is this guy who walks by my house every day on his way to work. I've never heard him speak, but I once heard him sing, which is why the crush has endured for two years. He probably has a name, but I don't know it.
If there's one space we have a crush on in this town, it's Dolphin, that beacon of art and modernity in the West Bottoms. Which brings us to Elvis Achelpohl, of BNIM Architects, whose CV lists, among other impressive credits, some design work for Dolphin. As he puts it on his website, those projects have included "art placement, a 25-foot-long leather boardroom table, and several dirty proposals for the West Bottoms." Well, if there's one thing we like in a designer, an architect or a date, it's a good dirty proposal (near a long leather table).
Occupation: Architectural designer
Relationship status: Single
What's your go-to drink? Iced Americanos. Pimm's when I'm special.
What's your guiltiest musical pleasure? Boosting CDs
What's the last thing that made you cry? I was watching some trains go by or something.
What's on your nightstand? Tiny dice
What's the coolest thing in your home? Chickens out back and a rad Sistine Chapel mural in the stairwell
What's the lamest pickup line you've ever heard? "I think I know your mom."
What's the best way for someone to hit on you? With food.
Dumped or dumper? I call it upcycling.
What's your foolproof date restaurant? Tacos and cookies at Bonito Michoacan
If you want to impress me, feed me ... Something you made.
At what bar or restaurant would you like to have an open tab? I want a snack-bar tab at YJ's.
What's your workout? Free cable at the YMCA
What's your pettiest relationship deal-breaker? Loving horses.
What do you do when you think nobody's looking? My inner monologue goes outside.
With whom would you like to play Truth or Dare? Kelly Rowland
Have you ever been the other man or woman? No?
What character flaw do you wish you could fix in yourself? I sleep too much.
What are you most vain about? Spacing
What physical feature are you a sucker for? Duchenne smiles
Who's on your crush list? Robyn, Jeanne Gang, Bryan Ferry, the Devil (the band, not the actual devil), Blondie, Blondie Brunetti, Jane Jacobs circa 1961, Marion Mahony circa 1895, David Bowie circa forever, Solange, Sade, Ruby Sue, Zoka Zola, Gabrielle Costello, Little Freshie scones, Front/Space, dolphins, Anne Lindberg, Jaimie Warren, the interstate system, Margo May, whenever Hearts of Darkness plays, Peggy Noland's store, Chloë Sevigny, Lara Flynn Boyle, Patti Smith a long time ago, and some Steven Holl buildings.