We drag the river for stuff you didn't know you were missing.

A Good Bottle of Dick 

The ex-Chiefs coach and would-be vintner puts a cork in it and we go down sipping.

Hip-hop MC Priceless Diamonds describes herself as a "boss bitch" who grew up boosting clothes and turning the occasional trick. She's no angel, but she's got advice. So listen up, y'all.

Morgan Freeman's been bad-mouthing Black History Month, saying it trivializes and patronizes African-American culture. You agree?

I just feel honored, you know, that they do respect the black culture and the black race enough to give them a month of celebration. I don't really agree with him on that. He's an old, stubborn man, set in his ways. We should be happy. White people don't get White History Month, so I'm not gonna complain, you know? For real, though. Presidents' Day is only one day, and we get a month? America's equal — why should they give us all the shine all year long? They could step the month's celebration up a little more, but just the fact that they honored us and felt our pain, you know, I'm cool. I'm satisfied.

A question the Boss Bitch got on the street: "What kind of woman fucks her sister's boyfriend?"

That's some gross shit. If someone did that to me, I'd think she was trying to be me, you know what I'm saying? That happens in the 'hood all the time. Y'all hanging out, someone gets up to go to the store, and next thing you know, it's on. And if people been drinking, wooo. I don't know what people are thinking, but it happens all the time.

Got a question only Priceless can answer? E-mail her at bossbitch@pitch.com.

A Good Bottle of Dick
Dick Vermeil has said goodbye to Larry Johnson's whining and devoted his full attention to wine-ing.

That's right, Coach Teary-eyed is scouting for a Napa Valley vineyard. He's reportedly selling his Kansas City condo in favor of splitting his time between his Pennsylvania farm and a permanent wine-country headquarters.

It's nothing new to him. In 1999, Vermeil partnered with OnThEdge Winery in Napa to produce a cabernet that he named after his winemaking grandfather, Jean Louis Vermeil. Despite that whole no-Super-Bowl thing, Vermeil's wine is still popular stuff here in Chiefs country. Premier Cru, the local distributor of Jean Louis Vermeil Cabernet, has been sold out of it for months. We usually don't spend 75 bucks on booze unless it's a good night's bar tab, but when we came across the very last bottle of the '01 vintage at Waldeaux Wine & Spirits, we knew it should be destined for something Dick-worthy.

So we took the bottle to the Classic Cup, where we assembled a blind taste test with the metro's resident wine expert, Doug "Frosty" Frost, who's one of only three people in the world to hold both Master Sommelier and Master of Wine titles. (And he can make a damned funny football pun on command.) Classic Cup owner Steve Molloy and his brother, Fintan, joined us. And J.P. Gilmore, the sales manager at Premier Cru, had chipped in a $68 bottle of Caymus Vineyards so we could see whether Vermeil's cab would hold up to the good stuff. And Steve added three glasses of $9-a-bottle Blackstone to keep things interesting. A waiter secretly poured all three vintages into numbered glasses arranged at a table next to the hostess station.

After all three tasters spent a good minute swirling their glasses and sniffing the crap out of 'em, it was clear we had given them a tough task.

Fintan: "Tricky."

Frosty: "It is tricky. Glass No. 1 is showing a lot of color. It's more evolved than it should be. Maybe it has done a dipsy-do on us." (We're guessing that's technical wine jargon.)

Steve: "You know we'll look like fucking idiots if we get this wrong."

Frosty: "I know. And it'll be in print."

They took small sips of each. There were some mild slurping noises, followed by some deep-pitched grunts, which sounded a bit like stumped wine experts. Finally, all three picked out glass No. 2 as the Caymus, a spicy, fruity beauty. Surprisingly, Frosty picked it out by smell, a sawdust scent that revealed it was aged in American oak barrels. Then they very politely pushed away the fermented grape juice by Blackstone, in glass No. 3. We considered asking if we could finish theirs, but, hey, Classic Cup is a fancy restaurant. Then the experts moved on to the troubled wine in glass No. 1.

Frosty: "You see how No. 1 is almost tan along the edge? It shouldn't be for an '01. Maybe if it was a '99 or '97." He tipped his glass to explain, and damned if there wasn't a khaki tint where the wine slid up the glass.

Steve: "What we've got is a bad bottle. What's that disease kids get where they age too quickly?"

Fintan: "Like that Robin Williams movie."

Steve: "Yeah, that's what this wine's got."

Frosty explained that it can happen if a bottle has been exposed to light for too long, heats up during shipping or votes Republican.

Either way, Steve wasn't going to let Dick go down like that. He dashed off into his private stash of Vermeil in the Classic Cup basement and poured new glasses from his own bottle.

Steve: "Now, you see? That's good. Lots of dark fruits and spice."

We asked whether there was a hint of tight end or jock itch.

Frosty: "If you want to play that game, Kansas City finally has a wide receiver, because this one's widely received." Nice. That's why he's the wine expert.

We asked for more football analogies.

Frosty: "What did we learn here today? Once you damage a bottle of wine, there's not enough rotator-cuff surgery you can do to fix it."

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Latest in Backwash

Most Popular Stories

Facebook Activity

All contents ©2014 Kansas City Pitch LLC
All rights reserved. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Kansas City Pitch LLC,
except that an individual may download and/or forward articles via email to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.

All contents © 2012 SouthComm, Inc. 210 12th Ave S. Ste. 100, Nashville, TN 37203. (615) 244-7989.
All rights reserved. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of SouthComm, Inc.
except that an individual may download and/or forward articles via email to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Website powered by Foundation