Air guitarists get ready to shred the competition 

Page 4 of 6

What's your secret weapon?

The awe-inspiring Rubenesque shape of my belly.

What is your signature move?

Dropping my pants at the end of my gig.

Does air guitar help or hurt your chances of getting lucky?

The Manther doesn't need help.

Why will you win?

Because I'm already to the point where I speak about myself in the third person.

Please don't make me play ...

... "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson.

Finish this sentence: Excuse me while I ...

... grab that world-championship trophy.


The Old Rokker

Name: Mark McGinnis

Air-guitar alias: Johnny Rokker

Day job: Running a loader for Cripple Creek Rock Company

Who is Johnny Rokker?

I've been going by Johnny Rokker for 30 years. I'm just a frontman, and frontmen are a different breed.

Who is your guitar hero?

Angus or Malcolm Young

Do you actually have a guitar?

No

What's your secret weapon?

Know the damn song, have some rhythm and style, and actually look like you're playing the guitar. I see these guys, and they're just flailing about like spider monkeys on meth.

Worst air-guitar injury?

Just real guitar injuries. That's how I got a mouthful of no teeth. The bass player didn't see me coming, and he drove the mic through my mouth with the headstock of his bass. Missed one word of the song that night. Kept right on singing.

Does air guitar help or hurt your chances of getting lucky?

Oh, hell, it doesn't do either. If you go on Facebook and look at my pictures, you will see that I am not a handsome man.

What is your pre-air-guitar ritual?

As many vodka tonics I can drink before I do it.

Why will you win?

Because God is on my side. It helps that I have no shame. I really do — I have no shame.

Please don't make me play ...

... anything death metal.

Finish this sentence: Excuse me while I ...

... make a public embarrassment of myself.


Stiff Competition

Name: Nick Colby

Air-guitar alias: Peter "Stiff" Dickens

Day job: Harvest Meat Company

Who is Peter "Stiff" Dickens?

Who isn't Peter "Stiff" Dickens? He's the common man. He's been doing air guitar since the early '70s, mostly in small clubs, but he's working his way up to big venues. He's the people's man. He's trying to bring air guitar back to the bedroom, back to the bed, jumping up and down with a tennis racket.

Who is your guitar hero?

Stiff Dickens is a real Peter Frampton fan. Mostly Frampton Comes Alive! He also is a Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young [fan], but mostly Crosby. Colby prefers Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page — pretty much any Jimmy.

Do you actually have a guitar?

I have a Jazzmaster and I have a Telecaster and then, of course, a couple of basses.

What's your secret weapon?

My charming good looks

What is your signature move?

My signature move is mostly my high kicks.

What's your go-to air-guitar song?

"Touch Me I'm Sick" by Mudhoney

Does air guitar help or hurt your chances of getting lucky?

I don't get lucky that often anyway, so it can only help.

Why will you win?

Because I was born to win.

Please don't make me play ...

... anything by Guns N' Roses.

Finish this sentence: Excuse me while I ...

... go to the bathroom.


The Barracuda

Name: Amber Jacobs

Air-guitar alias: Sage Steele

Who is Sage Steele?

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