Earlier this year, a rash of bar robberies terrorized tavern owners and lushes alike. So when the bandits were finally caught, we all breathed a sigh of relief and continued our rampant binge drinking unabated. According to a January 22 Kansas City Star
story headlined "Three charged in robbery," one of the suspects went into the Fast Stop on 39th Street and, after wandering around the store, picked up a packaged hot sausage, grabbed the clerk, and pressed a gun against his chest. Then, the paper reported, "[t]he gunman fled with the cash drawer and the sausage." Hey, details are important, so we salute the Star
for its meticulous attention to the fate of the sausage. We can just hear The Daily Show
's Stephen Colbert intoning that great line in his nasal voice.