Best Home-Grown Product
Manhood Mold
Believe it or not, potential do-it-yourself dildo makers have at least a half dozen different options in penis-cloning kits, but Overland Park's Morningwood Labs may offer the most entertaining instructions. The kit is contained in a giant cup -- the kind designed for a car's cup holder -- that's presumably never held Pepsi. According to the cartoon-strewn instruction sheet, the process calls for a boner, which calls for teamwork or Viagra, because the mind tends to wander a bit from even the most ardent videotaped sex when the hands are busy mixing water into a scary-looking quick-set batter. Pour the batter into the drink cup, thrust that greased-up woody into the batter and wait about four minutes while your partner strip-teases or talks dirty (don't worry; if you should find yourself shrinking from the task at this point, you'll likely produce a favorably curved mold with a strategic bent toward the mythical G-spot or the prostate). Into this mold, you'll pour another batter, which will harden to a rough, stone-hard penis. This rock cock is unsuitable for anything (a paperweight? a wall ornament?), but the good folks at Morningwood Labs can make a rubbery clone perfect for gift wrapping that would probably serve as a more genuine expression of commitment than, say, a diamond ring, though neither is particularly cheap. The kit is available by phone, by online order or off-the-shelf at the 7th Heaven on Troost.
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