Ahh, Kelly's -- Westport's temporary home for some of the hands-down most-impaired people ever to totter around without the aid of crutches. In actual fact, Kelly's is one bar where the wheelchair-bound are welcome, what with its multitude of ramps designed to screw with the inebriated. You can watch a woman participate in the 5-minute emotional medley, kissing, then laughing, then woozily drifting nearer and nearer to the floor, then finally crying as her date drags her out the door in an awe-inspiring finale of humiliation. You can observe the bathroom relay, in which women in itty-bitty fluffy skirts clomp in, then back out in one tightly formed herd. You can cheer for the not-really-a-bachelor party as its contestants artfully attempt to fool girls into making out with one special guy on his last night of unmarried life -- until next week. And then there's Jell-O-shot putting; it takes a real athlete to suck down a red Jell-O shot without the aid of a toothpick. Kelly's has hosted the Unofficial Drunk Olympics since 1947, a testament to the beauty of the human form and its ability to get more beautiful at 3 a.m. on a Tuesday.