Sweeps-week teases usually set us up with great expectations, only to leave us unsatisfied. But we got a rise out of last November's sex-off between KCTV Channel 5 and Fox 4 News. Last November 3, Channel 5 promised to rip back the covers on adulterous men. Meanwhile, Fox 4 hyped swingers, giving credence to our theory that KC stakes an unofficial claim as U.S. swinger capital. The Channel 5 cheaters sting was unfulfilling, especially after we learned that the station sent a producer undercover on hookups, er, lunch dates set up through a Web site called the Ashley Madison Agency ("When monogamy becomes monotony"). Worse, the station blurred the guys' faces. The same night, Fox 4's Carrie Coogan gave us the R-rated newscast we'd been waiting for. Coogan interviewed several partner-swapping suburbanites in an unintentionally and unbelievably hilarious 9 p.m. newscast. The highlights: an Overland Park couple talking openly about their swinging life while the couple next door's tyke rode a trike; a short glimpse of a naked ass; and the simple answer to why one blurry-faced female fornicator swings: "I like to eat pussy." After that, we needed a cigarette.