The Pitch chats with Bill Maher, who stops in Topeka this weekend.

Is Bill Maher a "Christ-hating, half-Jew, half-pedophile, rape-enabling Catholic"? We report! 

The Pitch chats with Bill Maher, who stops in Topeka this weekend.

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What freaks you out about Kansas the most?

[Laughs.]Well, Kansas, God love it, is always on our list of the stupidest states. We've done that on Real Time a few years, where we have a playoff between the eight or 10 dumbest states, kind of like our version of March Madness. And Kansas is usually in the running. I think they were very high in the standings a few years ago because of school-board stuff. They were one of the pioneers in refusing to teach evolution. But they may have modernized themselves out of the running, which I guess would be kind of a shame.

Trust me, they haven't. I saw today that Donald Trump might be dropping his lawsuit against you?

Trump "sues" me in the same way that his "investigators" went to Hawaii to find Obama's birth certificate. Do you remember this? He sent these guys to Hawaii and kept telling the media they found "amazing things." Yeah, what they found is that this moron sent them on a vacation. If he ever sent them at all. It's ridiculous. The guy is a clown, and the fact that the media pays any attention to him says more about the media than him at this point. I'm tired of having a feud with Donald Trump. He's not even a person — he's a pop-culture reference from the '80s. It's like having a feud with J.R. Ewing.

Jay Mohr is also talking shit.

What?

He tweeted, "If you had real balls @billmaher, you'd lay off the Catholics for one show and go after the Muslims and Jews. Oh, that's right you'd get fired." On Easter.

What a dick. First of all, obviously, he doesn't watch the show much. I've gone after the Muslims plenty. I go after whoever deserves to be gone after that week. It just happens that the Catholics have been in the news lately. I've never been shy about Muslims or Jews — go rent Religulous, Jay. I can't help it if the Jews happen to be less frightening and warlike than the Christians and Muslims, but those are the facts.

I always kinda thought Jay Mohr was a hack.

Yeah, what's he been doing the last 10 years?

I don't know.

Tweeting, I guess.

You're executive producing this new Vice show on HBO, which airs after Real Time now.

Yeah, we're really excited for it. They're doing what I'd guess you'd call a hip 60 Minutes, a 60 Minutes for a new generation. But really, it's so many generations beyond where 60 Minutes left off. These guys are super-brave, and they're going to places in the world I don't see anybody else in news going.

What can the crowd expect at this show in Topeka?

Just doing what I do, telling jokes. I think people who watch Real Time will be familiar with the areas I'm interested in. I've never been a comedian who was interested in trivial stuff, not that I'm putting that down. Some comedians, like Jerry Seinfeld, do it brilliantly. He can do five minutes on toothpaste, and it's meaningful and hilarious. I've never been that guy. I've always been into politics, national events, religion — sex, drugs, and rock and roll, too, but I like stuff that has some intellectual nutrition to it. But, you know, I'm a stand-up comedian. I'm not a humorist or lecturer. You gotta keep 'em laughing.

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