We drag the river for stuff you didn't know you were missinf

Eat. Drink. Get Fat. 

We drag the river for stuff you didn't know you were missinf

Hip-hop MC Priceless Diamonds describes herself as a "boss bitch" who grew up boosting clothes and turning the occasional trick. She's no angel, but she's got advice. So listen up, y'all.

Why are women always attracted to assholes?

It seems we're always attracted to the mean guy! We want someone who can bully us around because we can be bullies sometimes. My man now ain't a mean guy. I say, if God had a sign, he'd be a Libra, because my boyfriend's an angel. We argue sometimes — arguing is healthy as long as you ain't doing it all the time. We have a pact that we never go to bed angry, so sometimes I'll be fightin' mad and he'll look at me and say, "I love you," and I'll have to say, "I love you more," and it's over.

But I've had so many bad ones. So many mean ones. To where I appreciate the nice guy I have.

My boyfriend is afraid of the dentist. How do I get him to go without sounding like his mom?

Tell him if it makes him feel better, you'll go with him and hold his hand through the whole process. Tell him he's gotta tackle the problem before it gets worse.

Men, they afraid of doctors, too. I don't know — they just are. They never get checked out unless they hurt or they end up in the penitentiary or something. Tell him, unless he wants his teeth to fall out ... anything to get him to go, you know? Tell him that if he don't go, his dick is going to fall off. I bet he goes then. Guys don't play about that little part right there.

Does he have insurance? Because if he does, that's the least of his worries. Some people I know, they don't go because they don't have insurance. If he has it and he doesn't want to go, all that insurance is sitting there, waiting to be used. He gotta go get it over with.

Got a question only Priceless can answer? E-mail her at boss.bitch@pitch.com.

Eat. Drink. Get Fat.

The legacy of the newly opened shopping center called The Legends at Village West is gonna be, well, faaaaat.

On November 9, the mall kicked off the grand opening of Dave & Buster's — think Chuck E Cheese for adults — with, get this, golf-cart shuttles from the parking lot.

That's not exactly in line with the arcade's get-physical sales pitch of "Eat. Drink. Play."

Nonetheless, the mall has arranged a fleet of five vehicles — two four-seat carts (which the center owns) and three six-seaters (rented) — to ferry patrons from car to mall. "We've hired drivers, and they just drive the parking lot looking for people walking," says Amy Kraft, Legends' marketing director.

Sure, part of the reason for the carts is to help holiday shoppers get around construction areas. But the mall's permanent two-cart, ass-hauling brigade will continue after king fattie St. Nick has made his deliveries. By then, most of Legends' overabundance of retail, dining and entertainment outlets should be open, so the carts will exist solely to help customers avoid burning carbs while walking.

We can see the future. This chauffeured, all-in-one experience will create another Kansas legend: the myth of the once-skinny pedestrian shopper.

Looking Down From Lawrence

Lawrence versus Manhattan — now that's a rivalry we're used to. But Lawrence versus Camden, New Jersey? Recently, folks in Camden have been cursing the names of at least a couple of Lawrence residents.

Morgan Quitno Press, a private research company run by a husband-and-wife team in Lawrence, publishes reference books that rank cities and states in categories such as health and education. Morgan Quitno recently released City Crime Rankings, a 416-page book that analyzes crime data from 369 metro areas. And for the second straight year, Camden emerged dead last — a statistic that seems to portray the place as a present-day Thunderdome.

The widely reported results infuriated folks in Camden. On November 21, Camden officials took a trolley tour of city projects and protested their ranking at a Baptist church rally. "That's what's happening in Camden today, not Morgan Quitno," insisted Camden County Prosecutor Vincent P. Sarubbi, according to an account in The Philadelphia Inquirer.

Morgan Quitno editor Scott Morgan, who runs the company with his wife, Kathleen, has grown accustomed to such spectacles. When the publisher picked Atlanta as America's most dangerous city, just in time for the 1996 summer Olympics, the mayor held up a copy of City Crime Rankings at a press conference and denounced it as a cheap publicity stunt. "That was far more coverage than we would have gotten on our own," Morgan says, savoring the irony.

Lawrence, where the Morgans live, is listed as the 128th-safest city in City Crime Rankings. Overland Park is 34th; Kansas City, Missouri, languishes at the bottom at 344th.

This year's report raised chants from Camden of "Just say no to Quitno." The words don't sting as much as they might have if the Morgans hadn't bought out Neal Quitno's interest eight years ago. Morgan receives e-mails from Quitno, who lives in Nevada, Missouri, asking. "Why do they always make fun of my name?"

Cry-o-Meter

Potential for tears:

7 out of 10

This week, the Pitch offers its first installment of the Cry-o-Meter, our attempt to gauge Dick Vermeil's weep factor. This week, Vermeil faces Bill Parcells in Big D. In the '80s, they passed like battleships in the night: Vermeil suffered burnout in Philly, and the Tuna became a legend. Vermeil's jealousy will lead to a seven-hanky day.

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