Former Star columnist Rhonda Chriss Lokeman stars in her own lethal-weapon movie 

On the night of January 1, Kansas City, Missouri, police arrested former Kansas City Star columnist Rhonda Chriss Lokeman — wife of Star publisher Mark Zieman — for allegedly driving drunk. The arrest report said officers had spotted the liberal scold driving her minivan on only three tires. When she stopped for police, she left the van in the middle of the street rather than pull to the side of the road. (Can't blame her for that — she seems to have bad luck near curbs, judging by that missing tire.)

Lokeman moved through every stage of grief in the arrest video excerpted here, making extended visits to shock and denial. "Oh, my God," Lokeman said repeatedly. "When did that happen?" Then she argued with officers as they tried to keep her from wandering into traffic. And after Zieman arrived to bail her out, she fended off a fellow prisoner excited to see a woman in handcuffs.

If Lokeman's disappointed suitor had thought to check the paper to learn her identity, he would have been disappointed. The Star failed to report on Mrs. Publisher's misadventure until the next month, after the story broke online.

Lokeman refused to take a breathalyzer test, but at her April 3 hearing, a judge ordered the Missouri Department of Revenue to reinstate her driving privileges. If you see a green minivan coming down the street, throwing off sparks, get out of the way. And keep your camera handy.

Meanwhile, here are a few highlights from the police video.

Rhonda Chriss Lokeman: "Oh, my God. When did this happen? Oh, my God. We don't have a tire. This is bullshit."

Officer: "How about we get out of the road where cars are coming by. Come on. We need to get out of the road, ma'am."

Lokeman: "I will. Don't push me."

Officer: "Well, you need to get out of the road where cars are coming. In fact, there's a car coming right here."

Lokeman: "Stop pushing me."

Arresting officer: "She was driving down Gillham with a tire missing. Undercarriage was all fucked up. She finally stopped at 30th and Gillham, after I lit her up at Linwood and Gillham. Got out and was like, 'What?' I was like, 'You're driving with no tire.' She goes, 'I am not. Leave me alone.' She didn't believe me. I had to show it to her for her to believe me."

Second cop: "Have another beer."

Arresting officer: "I know."

Mark Zieman: "Nobody was hurt?"

Arresting officer: "Nobody was hurt. She almost hit someone at Linwood and Gillham, but they stopped in time. They saw the sparks coming."

Zieman: "That'll do it."

Arresting officer: "You're definitely going to need a new wheel on it and some undercarriage work."

Zieman: "Yeah. That's the least of our problems."

Prisoner No. 1: "Ma'am, at least you look pretty in handcuffs."

Prisoner No. 2: "Your glasses make you that much prettier, so whatever comes out of your mouth, your face cuts it. What comes out of your mouth is filth."

Lokeman: [unintelligible]

Prisoner: "Bitch"

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