Kansas City animal control officers sentenced Muttsy to 10 days of house arrest. Rostenberg even talked of sending Muttsy to a doggie counselor. The Department of Burnt Ends got Muttsy's exclusive take on what he learned in lockdown:
· Be sure to wear your studded collar; you won't have to worry when you drop the soap.
· Bench-press the Sunday paper, and you'll be 20 pounds meaner by Wednesday.
· Keep your friends close and the felines closer; they'll scratch your back.
· Only three states allow conjugal visits, and Missouri ain't one of them.
· Never snitch near the birdcage.
· Mark my words: The squirrels are conspiring to take down human civilization.
· Only canines who've served time have the street cred for a skull-and-dog-bone tattoo.
· Forget fire inspectors — Dr. Phil needs a bite in the ass.
· Rawhide chew toys are like money on the inside.