We all want to be stimulated and get what we pay for. No one wants to be judged, and everyone wants to be paid. More than 125 permits were granted last year by the Kansas City, Missouri, Regulated Industries Division for entertainers who wanted to perform in the city's adult cabarets. This Valentine's Day, satisfy natural urges and stimulate the local economy. It's a win-win situation.
1517 Grand, 816-421-5632
When contrived entertainment-district shenanigans peak, it's time to head a block and half south on Grand and feast your eyes on some serious naughtiness. Until 3 a.m. seven days a week, Temptations has plenty of ladies of all colors and sizes working the pole, then wiping it down again to the sounds of T-Pain and Genesis. Nineteen dollars gets folks in the door, through the metal detector and into "Totally Nude" downtown bliss; $20 buys a lap dance. No alcohol is served inside, so liquor up next door at the Cigar Box. Or take the $7 that you would have spent down the street for beer in a plastic cup, and slide it into a lucky lady's G-string before she pulls it off and shows you her power and light.
4704 Independence Avenue
Family-operated since 1987, Gerry's Silver Slipper has no VIP area and doesn't allow any purses or bags inside. However, it does have a pool table, a good jukebox, $10 pitchers and $20 topless dances. This no-frills bar on Independence Avenue is a perfect place to hide out with women in thongs.
1717 Main, 816-421-1915
At this two-story pornoteria in the Crossroads, entrance to the lower level is always $10, while anyone over 18 can check out the "Upper Deck" for free. At the top of the escalator, that well-lit Upper Deck has a huge selection of adult DVDs for both sale and rent, assorted novelties like butterfly vibrators and mint-flavored lube, and 10 video-arcade booths where viewers can choose from 60 straight or gay selections at a cost of $1 for three minutes. Downstairs, in a dim, clean, 150-person-capacity theater, patrons can watch a nude stage show and buy a $15 no-contact couch dance. For those with more money to blow, private booths behind beaded curtains cost $200 for 30 minutes.
1037 Northwest 435th Road, Holden, 816-732-5683
From the outside, Club Skin looks like a huge aluminum storage shed with a hand-painted sign out front. After following the gravel frontage road past the adult novelty shop next door, one might find the $9 membership fee a small price to pay for entrance to an all-nude, smoker-friendly and contact-friendly joint. The seemingly clean, wide-open, black-lighted space offers no booze, but it does have a lofted VIP area facing the stage that is available for $35 bed dances and $25 couch dances — perfect for relaxing after the long drive from the city.
East 350 Highway and Noland Road, 816-313-5347
When the real players want to get down, they head for Pure. The closest thing to Las Vegas' Spearmint Rhino that KC will get, this swanky establishment has an Executive VIP Lounge where, behind heavy beaded curtains, customers can enjoy topless dances with $1,200 bottles of Cristal or $300 bottles of Grey Goose. For those on a budget, there are daily drink specials, two-for-one dances from 6 to 8 p.m., and very friendly clothed waitresses who make you feel right at home.
1837 North 1500 Road, Lawrence, 785-331-4409
Everyone has a story about the Outhouse. It's hard to believe that a small cinder-block building, in a cornfield on a gravel road just outside of Lawrence, has such a storied reputation. The 1980s underground-punk venue that once hosted Fugazi and Agnostic Front has replaced mic stands with stripper poles and PAs with a jukebox. It's just as dark, small and debauched as it was back in the day, only now you can bring the entire cooler of beer inside (sorry, no kegs) and drink it while enjoying an extra-dirty $30 totally nude lap dance. Open until 4 a.m. on the weekends, the Outhouse invites everyone 18 and over (it's a $15 cover; women get in free with a paying guy) to get material for their own Outhouse story.