Dear Kansas:
We know change is harder than last year's cider and slower than Lynn Jenkins. After all, it hasn't even been a decade since you caught up with Missouri and let liquor stores do business on Sundays.
But it's high time to rethink another absurd blue law: your fatwa against happy hour.
In case you're really hammered on full-price drinks and forget which law we're talking about, here's K.S.A. 41-2640(a): "No club, drinking establishment, caterer or holder of a temporary permit ... shall offer to sell or serve any drink to any person at any time at a price less than that charged all other purchasers of drinks on that day."
We believe the legal term for our response to reading this is, to wit: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Look, Kansas, we've never condemned you for not expelling Fred Phelps and Co. from your state (mostly because we're afraid he'd come here). And we're happy to keep pretending that Sam Brownback wasn't hatched out of a space egg. But your continued schoolmarmish aversion to collecting perfectly good tax revenue from people who want a $2 draft with their discounted truffle fries — people like, you know, THE REST OF AMERICA — just won't stand, Kansas.
If you wanna talk this thing out, text us. We'll be somewhere east of State Line Road, with an ashtray full of nickels and a bellyful of cheap brew.
Sincerely,
Missouri
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