How about an invitation for the opening slot on U2's Vertigo tour? But take caution, young Followills. Using the career span of the Beach Boys as a model, we've predicted your future timeline. You may want to put a good lawyer on retainer.
2006 -- Frontman Caleb has a nervous breakdown and quits touring, takes acid for the first time and begins writing. Matthew, cousin and lead guitarist, gets slapped with a paternity suit and does the honorable thing by marrying someone else.
2007 -- Kings of Leon release their best work, only to be overshadowed by a greatest-hits album. Bassist Jared gets married. Caleb writes a solo project, gets high and forgets where he put it.
2008 -- Jared goes to trial for dodging the draft. The band sues its record label. Drummer Nathan gets divorced.
2009 -- Nathan helps a Mansonesque psychopath cut a record, then gets suckered out of $100,000.
2010 -- Kings of Leon sue record label for $2 million after the band's popularity reaches a low point. Matthew gets divorced. The only gig the band plays is a Tennessee high school prom.
2011-16 -- Caleb takes lots of drugs, gets fat and stays in bed for four years. Nathan and Matthew each remarry. Nathan divorces again.
2017 -- Caleb gives rehab a rest and returns to the stage with the band with short-lived success, bumping up its status to state fairs and casino gigs. Nathan gets married again. Third time's a charm, right?
2018 -- Matthew gets divorced. Nathan gets divorced, quits the band, fizzles as a solo artist, then comes back to the Kings with his tail between his legs.
2019 -- Jared keels over midset after years of steady drug and alcohol abuse. The rest of the band makes up for it by partying even harder.
2020 -- Nathan hooks up with Matthew's illegitimate daughter, technically becoming both Matthew's cousin and son-in-law.
2030 -- Kings of Leon inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Surviving members, minus Caleb, finally break even with a soundtrack single from a kick-ass movie about bartending in the tropics.
